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life with purpose has never been part of of i thought recovery was all about, so when i stumbled across this reading this morning, i wanted to scream. well, not really, but it certainly set off a chain of thoughts about why i am here and why i stay. across the course of my recovery, as i became more familiar with the truth about who i was and where i might want to go, it became evident that whether or not i “wanted” a life with purpose, i was getting one anyhow. for certain, that “purpose&38221; has changed as i grew up in my recovery and today, as i look back at the journey, i see that when i got clean, my the sole purpose in my life was to get off paper so i could use again. by the time that event occurred, i saw that there might be a bit more to living than staying high all the time and i just might be able to have a very “normal” looking life. to an outsider who has no clue about my history, i have achieved that, to my friends and peers in recovery, i have a whole lot more. before i go down any sort of rabbit hole:

Steven D.
Four (IV) years clean
Congrats my friend!

the trouble i have with readings such as these, is articulating exactly what my “purpose” just may be these days and perhaps that is why i rebel and fume when i am forced to consider such an esoteric question.the less i think about this sort of idea and allow myself to “feel” the answer, the more apparent it becomes that i really do not know what that purpose may be, save to stay clean, live a program of active recovery and let the chips fall where they may.
it has been a day where i already had to admit i was wrong attempting someone to do a bit of work to come up with an answer. i also helped a man who call=s me his sponsor to let go of the drama and confusion hi actions caused. like me, he has a passion for the fellowship and the program and believes that prudent management of our funds is of paramount importance. like me, he also some times lets his passion overcome his rational side and he ends up having to go back and say he was wrong about how he expressed his passion. i may not end up in dramatic situations much these days, but i still stumble over saying the right thing in the wrong way. so it goes… one thing i know for sure is that when i arrive at an answer, it is mine to keep. when someone give me an answer it often flies out of my head in the next 2.2 seconds. i may be an oddball in this respect, but i also know that i have been taught to think for myself, form opinions based on evidence and not emotions and find the ways and means to reconcile my passion with being a unifying factor and not a divisive one, just for today.

∞ DT ∞