Blog entry for:

...and not worth the price!
but sometimes it just feels so good that i find myself smack dab in the middle of it before i have a chance to think!
this is one my oldest and most familiar and comfortable manners of behaving. i learned how to do this before i ever picked up a substance. and this behavior probably saved me from killing myself before i found drugs! that does not mean that i need to continue to behave in this manner still today, and yet i find myself insidiously slipping into it when engaged in conversation. by insidiously, i mean i preface my comments with some sort of statement like i am concerned about so and so, and then proceed to talk about them at length. wrapping a spiritual principle around a behavior i am not exactly proud of, is a shortcoming in and of itself, and probably some more stuff to work on when i restart my effort on working the steps. today i am thinking about a defect and one of its manifestations that i have already identified and surrendered to the care of a LOVING HIGHER POWER.
so what do i need to do today? well i certainly am powerless of the removal of the character defect of low self-esteem and the attendant behavior of destroying others to boost myself. so i need to be vigilant in watching my behavior and when i catch myself practicing this particular form of poison, once again surrender this behavior to my HIGHER POWER, as i was taught to do way back when i last worked a seventh step. i can also use my tenth step to see what it is about myself that i find so abhorrent that i am ashamed of being who i am. after all, i am who i am, a work in progress and nothing that i am today is worth being ashamed over. i am becoming more than i ever was and if i choose to, will become still more. and i do believe i am doing my best to live the simple program of recovery i have been given!

∞ DT ∞