Blog entry for:

...and meet the demands that everyone has on my time. not so long ago, i was not capable of having this **problem** in my life as i devoted all my energy to maintaining active addiction.
well this certainly fits today, as i have been up since 5 running around, trying to get stuff done, before running off to the Limon to meet with a sponsee, and then coming back to get some more work done, so that i can go on vacation in a week with my desk cleared and invoices sent out. so yes, i get this, and yes i can stop and be grateful fro the problem of having too much to do, and not enough time to do it, after all, this is one of those luxury problems. i have a place to live, i ate three meals yesterday, i have a family who wants me to be a part of their lives, i share my life with a wonderful woman, whom i missed while i was gone for two days in Spokane, and who i will greatly miss while i am on vacation with my family back east. when i look at what i have instead of what i have to do, there is a certain sense of peace that fills me. i understand that the life i have now, the direction that i am going and what i am and who i will be, is the result of the path i choose to walk upon -- the path of recovery.
it is true that i fell asleep at seven thirty last night, well a more appropriate word would be collapsed, so when the internal alarm went off at 5 am this morning, it was hardly a surprise. i could complain about having a full life, and i do, at length, from time to time. this morning, however, i think i will let go how full my life is, let go of what i need to do over the course of the next six days, and let go of what may or may not come from my trip to Limon this morning. yes, i know without a doubt living the THIRD STEP stuff. i want to be more than i was yesterday, and all that is holding me back from that is me. so i guess i need to end this with the thought, that i am grateful that my life is full today, after all, i can always choose to return to the empty grey twilight of active addiction, it really is that simple, all i have to do is pick-up and BINGO, my life will get very empty, very fast. that is not something i choose to sdo, right here and right now.

∞ DT ∞