๐ my full life, ๐
Posted: Sat, Jun 13, 2020 09:09:00 AM
is a bit less **full** in these pandemic times and it is starting to wear me down. as i start to come out of the isolation that has been the norm of all society, i feel the need to find balance between restoring what i **had** with the realities of what surrounds me. i refuse to live a life paralyzed by FEAR and my rebellious nature screams for me to throw caution to the wind and just start getting out and about, into the social situations that once filled that life. ironically after meeting with one of the men i sponsor yesterday, we ended up doing “elbow bumps” rather than hugging. we both have the same risk factor, over 60, but i work from home and his profession carries him into the home of others. as i walked away, i felt a bit of gratitude that he chose not to close that conversation with a hug, but a little bit sad that it has come to that. for one who once thought the whole “hugging” was a bit over the top, desiring that physical contact with those in my life, is more than a bit ironic.
as i consider my activities this last week, i did walk outside every single day. i drove two and a half hours with a friend to scale Mount Princeton and i met with a sponsee, oh yeah, i worked late two nights, went to five “virtual” meetings, had a deep tissue massage and spent time on the phone with another of my sponsees, so as “empty” as i want to complain about my life being, i can see that i am doing the whole “half-empty” gig.
what i “heard” as i sat this morning, is that i am being rebellious and exercising my need to “challenge authority,” even when doing so can threaten my life or the life of my family members. the “devil” on my shoulder says “screw them all, they are just over-reacting and plod along in your own, selfish, self-centered way.” what i am going to choose instead, is a life that i GET to be safe and yet enjoy some activities out of my house, with my friends and family members. i am not going to risk everything for a few minutes of pleasure, but i am not going to cower in fear in my home office, as i watch the world outside my window.
anyhow, it is a good day to be clean and a good day to go walk off some of the stiffness that comes from being sixty-three years old and climbing 3000 vertical feet in three and a half miles. i will get to my home group, perhaps enjoy a cigar and certainly get the stuff done that i have agreed to do. just for today, i will allow my life to fill up again, as the times allow and take refuge in doing the next right thing.
as i consider my activities this last week, i did walk outside every single day. i drove two and a half hours with a friend to scale Mount Princeton and i met with a sponsee, oh yeah, i worked late two nights, went to five “virtual” meetings, had a deep tissue massage and spent time on the phone with another of my sponsees, so as “empty” as i want to complain about my life being, i can see that i am doing the whole “half-empty” gig.
what i “heard” as i sat this morning, is that i am being rebellious and exercising my need to “challenge authority,” even when doing so can threaten my life or the life of my family members. the “devil” on my shoulder says “screw them all, they are just over-reacting and plod along in your own, selfish, self-centered way.” what i am going to choose instead, is a life that i GET to be safe and yet enjoy some activities out of my house, with my friends and family members. i am not going to risk everything for a few minutes of pleasure, but i am not going to cower in fear in my home office, as i watch the world outside my window.
anyhow, it is a good day to be clean and a good day to go walk off some of the stiffness that comes from being sixty-three years old and climbing 3000 vertical feet in three and a half miles. i will get to my home group, perhaps enjoy a cigar and certainly get the stuff done that i have agreed to do. just for today, i will allow my life to fill up again, as the times allow and take refuge in doing the next right thing.
∞ DT ∞