Blog entry for:

complete with all the feelings and problems that go with living in reality.
and yes i really have a full life these days. i was just whining about this issue to my sponsor what seems forever ago, but actually only a couple of weeks ago. life is way too full some days for me, and i forget what life was like for me when i got clean. work, sleep, TV and using. of course finding the ways and means were also time consuming, but my life was rather empty compared to today. time was always the issue, even in those empty days that were my reality. so dealing with the reality that has come from this new manner of living is quite a different issue. here it is shortly past 10 am, i have already done a bit of work, visited my sponsee in the boulder county sheriff’s bed and breakfast, wrote a letter, and now sitting smoking a cigar, writing this little ditty. so these days, i have a very full life, and am apt to become a victim of my own success. well not really, however one of my character defects is to allow myself to believe i am a victim, whether or not that is true is besides the point, if i feel victimized, i can cut back on those things that do not seem to further my goals, like meeting attendance, working with others, daily inventories,step work and meditation. all of those things that consume my time and keep me clean and active in recovery, but do not pay the bills, allow me to spend more time with my sweetie, or just kick back and do nothing.
the consequences of such behavior is probably losing everything i have worked so hard to achieve, and the gifts i have been given as a result of accepting this new manner of living. those are consequences i am unwilling to accept today! PERIOD! so back to the problem at hand, learning how to deal with the reality of this new life. one day at a time, i will get over the feeling of being way too busy and accept that i do want to recover, i do want to live a program of recovery and i am not a victim but a willing participant in my life. so back to work and into the rest of my day, with a feeling of gratitude that i am not in jail, and that i have a life thatis beyond my wildest dreams.

∞ DT ∞