โฉ i remember that my life i have, is a miracle โช
Posted: Wed, Jun 13, 2012 07:41:38 AM
instead of complaining about how busy i am, i can be grateful for for this full life. with a start like that, i guess there really is noting left to say.
TTFN
seriously, there is a whole lot more to say.
generally my recovery life, including my service commitments and my family life sync up very well. this week, that is not the case. twice, over the course of the next 4 days, i have to decide to either serve my fellowship or participate in family celebrations. i have already made that decison in regards to Sunday, family triumphed, however this evening will not be quite as easy, as there is little time to get coverage and all those who could cover, have already passed this on to me. what i am hearing, is that in this case, i will have honor my service commitment, there is one more chance for me to get coverage, so let me give it whirl. ok, question asked and out of my hands.
what i am amazed by, is how my recovery seems to be on some sort of twisted five year plan. it seems that in the fifth year of my recovery cycle, things change abruptly and although they may not seem like it at the time, it is always for the better. this year, my 15th, is no different and although i lack the clarity of what the end result will be, it has taught me to live more in FAITH and stop relying on self so much. i seem to be getting the lesson that FAITH, need not be built upon a preponderance of the evidence and that surrender is the key to serenity. i seem to keep hearing, that the life i have is not necessarily as good as it gets, and if i get out of the way, amazing sh!t can happen. jsut because i feel confused, does not mean i have to live in confusion. just because i feel frustrated with people and events, does not mean i have to live frustrated. just because things have always been a certain way, does not mean that they have to, or even will remain that way. a year ago, i had no idea how i was going to survive anotehr eight weeks and BOOM here it is, all of a sudden 52 weeks later and survival living has been been replaced with a life in which i am thriving. in fact, i keep forgetting that the accomdation i reached between myself and the POWER that fuels my recovery, is that i would do my best to: pay attention, jump on the opportunities i have been given and allow the results to work themselves out. things beyond that point have far exceeded my wildest dreams, and it feels ike it is time to once again, honor that commitment that i made when things were not so bright. just like most humans, i have selective recall, when things are going good, and pile addictionon top of that and simply forgetting, becomes a creative retelling of my past. which is just another way of saying i flat out lie about how i got here!
is my life full today! mais oui, as those in France might exclaim. it is. most of the stuff i have sitting on my desk is so brand new that i may be getting a different message than i got 10 months ago. am i have trouble juggling work, myself, family, recovery and service. YES! do i want it to stop? well that can be a loaded question that has consequences far greater than i am willing to pay. today, right here and right now, i think i will atke all that my life is today, have a bit of graditude and do my best to keep all the balls in the air, after all, when i was using i was pretty good at juggling, and here the rewards are far greater and far more enjoyable in the long run. yes, for this addict, i choose deferred gratification today.
TTFN
seriously, there is a whole lot more to say.
generally my recovery life, including my service commitments and my family life sync up very well. this week, that is not the case. twice, over the course of the next 4 days, i have to decide to either serve my fellowship or participate in family celebrations. i have already made that decison in regards to Sunday, family triumphed, however this evening will not be quite as easy, as there is little time to get coverage and all those who could cover, have already passed this on to me. what i am hearing, is that in this case, i will have honor my service commitment, there is one more chance for me to get coverage, so let me give it whirl. ok, question asked and out of my hands.
what i am amazed by, is how my recovery seems to be on some sort of twisted five year plan. it seems that in the fifth year of my recovery cycle, things change abruptly and although they may not seem like it at the time, it is always for the better. this year, my 15th, is no different and although i lack the clarity of what the end result will be, it has taught me to live more in FAITH and stop relying on self so much. i seem to be getting the lesson that FAITH, need not be built upon a preponderance of the evidence and that surrender is the key to serenity. i seem to keep hearing, that the life i have is not necessarily as good as it gets, and if i get out of the way, amazing sh!t can happen. jsut because i feel confused, does not mean i have to live in confusion. just because i feel frustrated with people and events, does not mean i have to live frustrated. just because things have always been a certain way, does not mean that they have to, or even will remain that way. a year ago, i had no idea how i was going to survive anotehr eight weeks and BOOM here it is, all of a sudden 52 weeks later and survival living has been been replaced with a life in which i am thriving. in fact, i keep forgetting that the accomdation i reached between myself and the POWER that fuels my recovery, is that i would do my best to: pay attention, jump on the opportunities i have been given and allow the results to work themselves out. things beyond that point have far exceeded my wildest dreams, and it feels ike it is time to once again, honor that commitment that i made when things were not so bright. just like most humans, i have selective recall, when things are going good, and pile addictionon top of that and simply forgetting, becomes a creative retelling of my past. which is just another way of saying i flat out lie about how i got here!
is my life full today! mais oui, as those in France might exclaim. it is. most of the stuff i have sitting on my desk is so brand new that i may be getting a different message than i got 10 months ago. am i have trouble juggling work, myself, family, recovery and service. YES! do i want it to stop? well that can be a loaded question that has consequences far greater than i am willing to pay. today, right here and right now, i think i will atke all that my life is today, have a bit of graditude and do my best to keep all the balls in the air, after all, when i was using i was pretty good at juggling, and here the rewards are far greater and far more enjoyable in the long run. yes, for this addict, i choose deferred gratification today.
∞ DT ∞