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before long, i will be right back where i started: in conflict with everyone and everything around me, unable to bear even myself. i am not overly fond of dire warnings and dark messages of what WILL happen if i do or do not do something. i am after all a human being that has the ability to exercise my FREE will, and life is also a collection of semi-random events linked through my perception. or is it? lately i am coming to the conclusion that i have more to do with what happens in my life, than i wish to own or even admit. gone are the days when i could blithely dismiss things with the trite little phrases like "it is all part of a plan i do not understand;" or my favorite: "i am so powerless over that!"
what i am saying is that i create my own reality, and the evidence of this statement exists in my past as well as in my present life. after all, had i not chosen to participate in a semi-respectable drug trade, i would have never been forced to come to recovery. there were many ways i could have fed my NEED to get high, and i chose the method i chose for whatever reasons. since i finally accepted recovery, i choose to work steps with a sponsor, attend meetings, and participate in service. as a result of that decision and those actions, i have created a life that is quite comfortable and one that i enjoy being a part of, most of the time. the reading does not disagree with the whole creating your own reality notion in the slightest, in fact, it actually reinforces it, by pointing out the possible dire consequences for recovering people, if they decide to stop working their program. in my experience i have seen what happens to others, in fact a relationship of mine, has gone away because i grew and the other party did not.
there are two ways i can look a this reading and i now see i have looked at both sides of the ½ empty - ½ full argument. when i am living a FEAR based program, the consequences for not doing the work are quite plainly spelled out, and quite honestly that is where i have lived through most of my brief stint in this recovery gig, HOWEVER, (and yes i know i started a sentence with however), these days as i spend ,more and more of my time in a FAITH based program, i can read this to see that the contrary is true. IF i work a program THEN my spiritual fitness increases, and I BECOME a better man for doing the deed. so it is time to hop into the shower and get off with my road trip du jour -- before i fly, i will say this: this morning i am grateful for having the choice to live or not live a spiritual based program of recovery -- the choice rather than anything else is what i feel is important for me, right here and right now so TTFN.

∞ DT ∞