Blog entry for:

i started: in conflict with everyone and everything around me.
recently i heard the news that a peer of mine had relapsed as i said that was not surprising, as they were one of those who had a life much bigger than recovery. in their world, it appeared, it was more important to live that new life, than maintain a program that allowed for their live to get so huge. i am not criticizing, but i am certainly judging as i felt more than a twinge of envy as they posted in social media how BIG they were living and hopefully they will find a path to keeping most of that life, rather than sacrificing it on the altar of active addiction.
although i certainly seem to enjoy looking at the behavior of others, the example above is how i can move into writing about my current recovery journey. i am in a very odd spot, for the first time in my recovery, i really do not like my job and yet i am barely active in my job hunt. in my recovery, i am firmly camped out, thinking about where i do and do not have power. financially i am in the best shape ever, i am emotionally stable and i have found a bit more passion for the program that has given me this new life. my life is not LARGE and my recovery life and outside life are far from balanced, as i still tend to lean towards recovery over the rest of my life. so when i get into spots such as hating all the meetings in my home town, finding all my peers dull and insipid, i have to look at what is wrong with my program. the reading is quite clear about that,:IF i do not actively live a program, my spiritual condition does deteriorate. i know that to be true from my previous experience when i chose to noodle around with the idea that maybe i am better than all of this, and i too, can move along as a life of active recovery is not the life i seek.
today, i am back on the path of doing the next right thing for my spiritual growth and accepting that if i do not find my current employment acceptable, i need to work harder at finding a different position. job opportunities are not “manna from heaven” and there does need to be a bit of foot work on my part. as i drive towards work this morning i will keep in mind that no matter how much i dislike my job, i am paid to do it and i will do it to the best of my ability, after all doing that deed keeps the lights on, here in my recovery world and at home.

∞ DT ∞