Blog entry for:

wishing but of action and prayer. so i posted a little something on my face book page yesterday that says, **why do you think i gave you free will stop praying and start doing something?** yes it was from a face book member called “God,” blasphemous, maybe, but the sentiment goes directly to this reading. when i hear someone say: “GOD-willing i will have seventeen years on September 10th,” i just want to smack them down. of course it is the will of my HIGHER POWER, GOD, the POWER that fuels my recovery, for me to celebrate seventeen years of days in a row, clean. for me to believe anything else, is just ludicrous. that does not mean that day will arrive without me doing some work. my point being, that my recovery, while fueled by a POWER that is greater than addiction, is also dependent on the effort i put into it. yes, you heard that right, the second disturbing realization nails this on the head, I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR MY RECOVERY!
i can myself clean, in concert with the POWER that fuels my recovery. the power top stay cleans comes from that POWER, but just like electricity, it only exists in the instant that i choose to use it. the work i do on steps, the extent that i create and maintain my rituals of recovery, my service to further the primary purpose and live my twelfth step, and the extent i do my best to remain teachable and discover or uncover what i NEED to know today, enhances the power that the POWER that fuels my recovery provides me. without that action, i will be sliding down into the pit that is active addiction for me. i get that, i accept that, i see evidence of that in my daily life and reflected through the friends who are out and about. it was not the program that failed them, it was the FEAR of what they thought they may become, and how much pain it would take to get there. when they became unwilling to face that change,, the inevitable result was a foregone conclusion. hopefully they are getting what they need now, as i began to separate myself emotionally from them, as stalking and lurking is not bringing any joy into my life, so why should i continue to do something that brings little or no reward to me?
yes, for me, it has become acknowledging what the pay-off is, and deciding whether or not the reward, or the consequence is worth it. sort of a spiritual ”don't do the crime if you can't do the time!“
speaking of time, crime and recovery; i have to get rolling on out to my Saturday morning. the reward? i get a money, i fulfill my responsibility, and by getting out early, i can spend some time with my honey tonight, at the movies and at dinner. there is joy in all of that: money, accomplishment, integrity and pleasure. i can pay the price of an early Saturday to reap the rewards of a date night. i do have a choice today, and this is one of them.

∞ DT ∞