Blog entry for:

...through the eyes of others.
although i have gained a bit of self-knowledge through my journey to this point, i am still not an objective observer. i still have a tendency to go to extremes when i look at myself, either i am an unfixable piece of sh!t, or there is absolutely nothing that needs to be fixed. although neither of these extremes are an accurate picture of who i am today, they are what i know from my years in active addiction.
yes, even though the steps have taught me to temper my vision of self, i still need outside observers to let me know what and who i am.
among the most prominent of my character defects is the tendency to become very defensive when i receive feedback from others about how they view my behavior, regardless of the source. i will rationalize and dismiss their observations, because after all what do they know anyhow!
i also have a tendency to judge myself through the eyes of others, becoming whoever or whatever i need to be at that moment to get the acceptance that i lack in the moment.
this reading goes to the heart of both of these behaviors. very simply, it is my job to listen to criticism or praise without comment, accept that they are valid and filter those observations through the spiritual principles of this program. only then can i truly begin to see myself as i truly am and remain capable of growth. lessons can come from any source, my job is to my best in the here and now to allow the changes this program to work in me
-- DT --