Blog entry for:

as good, as beautiful, nor as ugly as i often think i may be. when i was spending time with my sponsor last week, he said something that still is ringing in my ears, specifically that i was **loving and caring.** my reaction was to be dismissive by saying that was a result of recovery and he should have seen me when i first came in. ironically if he had said i needed to be more loving and caring, i would have accepted that without question. i know being dismissive is part of the “false humility” gig i saw modeled in early recovery and one that has stuck with me throughout the days i have been clean.
today, what i “heard” is to be a bit better at accepting that there is good in me, and probably always has been. listening to what my trusted friends and peers are telling me, about me, is a path that i need to allow myself to follow, instead of “reacting” one way or another. it certainly is the direction my FOURTH STEP has been taking and one that has been weighing heavily on my mind. the question being, who am i really and do i really need to “buy into” the stories i have been hearing since i was a young pup? the answer i have been getting, is a thunderous NO WAY! no matter how “silly” i may feel as i implement the assignment that i have been given, it is something that will break the wall between me and my writing.
as the snow has made working out a bit more treacherous than i would like, i think the time has come for me to take a shower and get busy with the task at hand: training to be a better candidate for my next position, while paying attention to what needs to be done at work. i have a ton of stuff to get done today and i guess it is time to get that rolling. yes, it is a good day to be clean and to allow the feedback i get from those around me to guide me to becoming the person i have always wanted to be.

∞ DT ∞