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the best measure of my growth is my spiritual condition. that is the basis of my recovery, not physical age or levels of responsibility. okay, a bit of honesty here,. i hate to think that i will ever grow up, as i do not want what growing-up implies. that being said, of course i am growing up, and it really chaps my hide when other people, who are physically older than i am, say stuff like i am never going to grow up and then precede to lecture me on what i should or should not do. they do not seem to get the hypocrisy in such behavior and are oblivious as to how out of sync their actions are with the words that just left their mouth.
for me, part of growing up, is that i am learning to match what i do, with what i say. i am learning how to take responsibility for the effect i have on those with whom i share this journey through mortality. most of all, i am paying the cost for being alive and kicking, which for me means that i do my level nest to live a program of recovery, not just talk about it as if it was some theoretical construct that applies to everyone else.
man oh man, i guess that rant needed to come out, i do apologize for the spew, time to see if there is some HOPE to mix into this bitter stew.
there is, i can see that i am growing up, by all definitions of the word. i am learning how to be responsible to the normal world, even though i am mostly totally confused by that sphere of existence. i can still gaze at things with childlike awe and wonder, even knowing how they work. most importantly, i can dream about what i want to be when i grow up -- that is a gift of my last seventh step -- a vision of the man i wish to become.
anyhow, i have to jump in the shower an head east to see a sponsee. it is agood day to accept responsibility and be more grown up than yesterday, and no i do not have to play like i am a child or use a baby voice to allow the child i still am to express himself, i can just be who i am and let the rest of the world take care of themselves.

∞ DT ∞