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or whether i am a child that somehow been put into an adult body and given adult responsibilities. there are days, when i do wish i could live at my parent's basement and not have to worry about whether or not i will make enough money to pay for my house, heating and power. yes, that freedom from responsibility comes with a cost, but as wonderful as living in the grown-up world is, sometimes Peter Pan, feels like the way i want to go. even better, than i could whine about how i am making no progress on my greatest desire, a romantic relationship of any sorts. it must be them, for i am okay just the way i am, that is what self-acceptance is all about!
no the more i look at that sort of life, the more i am grateful, that i moved on from there, even in the throes of active addiction. as appealing as remaining immature and childish is, i see the results of those choices on my peers and their lives, and i am grateful that recovery is teaching me how to live as an adult in the adult world. i really do find it ludicrous to hear 30 and 40 something and older adults, refraining how they never want to grow up, and that certainly is their choice. me, well as resistant as i am and was to that notion, growing up does have its advantages. i am not dependent on anyone else, to pay my bills, provide for my room and board and as a result i have unparalleled freedom. yes responsibility and self-support does lead to freedom! as i grow up, i become attractive as a mate, a life partner, a friend and a colleague and as a result get to have the sort of relationships i only dreamed of, back when i first started coming to the rooms. i earn the respect of my peers, and need not demand or manipulate respect from them, because i know that i am taking care of my physical needs, by maintaining my spiritual condition. even better, i can whine about those so-called adult problems and actually be credible, rather than some sort irony machine. as i grow up i shed the behaviors so deeply engrained in me, by a quarter century of active addiction: co-dependance, denial, self-righteousness and self-obsession. i GET the right to stand on my own two feet and when i feel like it, act like a total bratly ten year old. which in and of itself is an irony, an adult acting childlike and yes even childish which is something to be cherished, as i know tomorrow i will once again be an grownup in the real world. today, right here and right now, as much as i would like to stay home, go back to bed and sleep the morning away, i do have to go out and face the world. i may not have the most glamorous career in the world, but it certainly is a satisfying one, and one that provide me the means to act childlike, when i get the chance to. so into that i world i step, and yes, i can keep a childlike wonder about how the world looks, without reverting to being childish. Peter Pan has left Never-Never land, grown up and is quite happy with the results.

∞ DT ∞