Blog entry for:

the truth is i am writing this way late this morning, i should already be on my way to work, but the little blip of the storm last night decided my neighborhood needed four or so inches of snow, when everywhere else i drove seemed to get less than one inch. lucky me, so i shoveled the concrete, so when the sun comes out, my sidewalks and driveway will dry off. WAH farging WAH, such are the responsibilities if being an adult, having dry sidewalks is part of my social contract, and as a member of the community, doing my part, at least in this respect, is the least i can do.
so growing up in the rooms of the fellowship. well, for me it has been an interesting journey and last night i was reminded why i do service and why i treat those i find in the rooms with the respect they deserve, most of the time. i have been clean a few days, and across the course of those days, i have sponsored dozens of men. some stuck and i have been sponsoring them for over a decade, some are brand new and who knows how long they will remain my sponsees. most however, seem to come in and burn out in a blaze of glory. they say and do everything they need to, to stay clean and then life happens and i never see them again. one of those men were in a meeting i was part of last night. i knew i recognized him when he walked in, was certain i knew where i knew him from, especially after he shared, but it was not until the meeting after the meeting that he told me that somewhere around the turn of the century i was his sponsor. the where was evident, the when is where i stumbled. as i sat down last night and again this morning, the details begin to fill in, but the one thing i remembered last night was my discovery that sober does not mean clean, to some fine and very upstanding members of another fellowship. lone of those members who professed to have decades of sobriety, used and sold all sorts of substances, one of which was my favorites. in fact at that time, i knew i could probably purchase from her, change back to that other fellowship and get away scot-free, no one ever knowing what i was doing, because i would have enough ammunition on her. to blackmail her into not ever saying anything to anyone. i learned why she was so open to renting apartments to the sketchiest people, because she knew that she had a captive audience.
i, however, have gone way off track. back then, i decided to stay clean, solidified my membership in the fellowship that has given me this new way of living and learned that getting away with something, is not part of growing up. i have never written about this, because truthfully once my sponsee disappeared into the depths of his active addiction, i simply moved along. i did, however, steer anyone who asked, clear of that particular set of apartment buildings, as i saw that as my responsibility. ironically, now i have nothing else to write about this morning, so i guess i will get moving down the road to my place of employment. it is a great day to remember that growing up is not necessarily a bad thing.

∞ DT ∞