Blog entry for:

life has been known to send shock waves through my recovery. when i am equipped with the tools of the program, i can walk through such turmoil and stay clean to tell the tale. that experience makes me stronger in my recovery, also provides me with a wealth of experience that shows the HOPE of practicing a program of active recovery. the shock wave of life on life’s terms, and the fact that i stayed clean through it.
i really HATE hearing members saying, "i share for the newcomer, after all the newcomer is the most important person in the room."
in fact i feel that sort of ’pie in the sky‘ claptrap is far more dangerous and deadly for the newcomer than being real about life in active recovery. there is however a reading that deals explicitly with that topic and i can move on. when i edit my experience, strength and hope by eliminating the slings and arrows of life, i am flat out being a liar. the lies i am telling are worse than the lies i tell myself to rationalize the less savory behaviors of my daily living. these lies lead to death, because i paint a picture that implies that life in recovery is peachy keen all of the time, while most members, newcomers included, know that is not the case. i know that when i hear someone playing Pollyanna about how wonderful everything is in their life since they got clean and how the gifts keep coming and how fulfilled they feel and on and on, i have a tendency to dismiss anything that happens to follow, especially if they have been sharing the happy smoke screen for more than a few times in a row. since that attitude exists in my head, and since i am not that much different than the members i share my recovery with, the chances are pretty good they are also of the same mindset. where does that take me? well of course when i life is good i share about how good life is. when life is bad, i want to remain quiet and stew in my own juices, and often times i do exactly that. if i do not share no one can come up and share their ESH with me, and i get to be miserable for just that much longer. of course, i rationalize that behavior away with the whole no one wants to hear me whine gig. perhaps they do not, BUT i see from the reading that it is important for me to give away the fact that even in the tough times, recovery pays off, and i can stay clean. for my own sanity as well as for the member who has yet to experience the particular bump in the road that is knocking my applecart over at this time.
anyhow, enough of my soap box. life is tough today, BUT i am grateful that i still have the means to pay my bills, keep food in my belly and take care of myself physically, spiritually and emotionally. it is a good day to be in recovery and i think i will move forward into mine.

∞ DT ∞