Blog entry for:

happen all at once and the road does not have a gentle grade and is rarely without potholes, detours or roadblocks, BUT, no matter where the journey takes me, i can and have stayed clean. it is true, i am more likely to focus my shares on the cynical side of my life in recovery. it is also true that i NEVER use the pronouns **we** or **you** when i share, unless i specifically means to do so. i am of the opinion, that when i use the pronoun **we,** i am speaking for my peers, which in my opinion, disrespects their journeys. when i use the pronoun **you,** i am giving advice and couching it as a suggestion, once again disrespecting the recovery journey of my peers. nothing raises my ire more than a peer with 30 days clean or so, telling me what i NEED to do and how to work the program of recovery share, except when another peer lumps me into a group and makes generalizations that hardly apply. i know when a peer with 30 days or so clean does that, it is just because they lack the knowledge, but i certainly wonder when a peer with years clean, continually does that, it certainly cannot be because they do not know and i often judge them to be acting out of one or more character defects, because that was why i fall intro that sort of behavior. the fact is, even though i share more in common than i like to admit with my peers, i do not savor being told what to do, nor am i a fan having my journey minimized into a collective and vague meme and slogan filled version of life on life's terms.

Christian F,
2 YEARS CLEAN, today!
Congrats my friend and keep coming back.

Carl K,
40 years of JFTs!
I am glad you kept coming back.
Are you a recovery fossil now?

moving forward into what i share, now that i have slammed my peers, it is true that maybe i COULD add a little more Yang to my Yin filled offerings, assuming others may find HOPE, when a “veteran” shares the less than savory details of what they are thinking, is just as disrespectful as those behaviors i whined about above.what i heard this morning, as i fell back into my routine. was that no matter what, the time has come to end my silence and give a “balanced” take on my life in recovery. it is true, there is very little drama or trauma in my life. it is true i have a few days clean and a few step cycles under my belt. it is also true that i have “using” dreams and entertain the notion of using, every now and again. yet, when i share, i share about my insanity, even though very little of it gets manifest in the real world. i share about how judgemental i may be, even though i rarely share those judgements with others. i rarely share how grateful i may be for what i have in my life today and certainly do not share slogans, bumper-stickers or memes, as i have a mind of my own that can be exercised to get beyond that sort of mindless drivel.
what does that mean today? well for one, i am grateful that i have the ability to write this, this morning. my mind and my HOPE have been returned and i have FAITH that i can continue to be active and think for myself, for at least one more day. i am no longer a newcomer, nor am i a pup, to to share as if i am one, is disrespectful of their journey. i have stayed clean through the death of loved ones, financial canyons created through obstinate self-will and isolating judgemental bullying. i am a member today and because i am, it is time for me to start sharing locally again, especially since i will be out of town later this week, for an entire week. life is GOOD today, because i am clean and even though i spent the weekend sending off a loved one to whatever comes next, i can stay clean and be okay, accepting that is just what is.

∞ DT ∞