Blog entry for:

terms can send shock waves through my recovery. right off the bat, i am less than impressed with my peers who feel that every single time they share, they MUST share all about the unicorns, rainbows and daisies of their lives in recovery. i am also less than impressed with those who play the “drama queen” role, each and every time they share. it is true, that some of the time, there is serious drama going on in my life. it is also true that on the whole, most of my days are relatively drama and turmoil free. when i share i try and present a little bit of both as an entire package, and really do not care whether or not i am carrying a “positive” message full of HOPE. when i left the competitive sharing game behind me, i also left the “share only the light,” and the “you shoulds” behind as well. the content of my shares, began to reflect the content of my life, and even if i sound like a Donnie Downer from time to time, i really have stopped caring, it is exactly where i happen to be in that slice of reality.
oh i can hear the wailing and the gnashing of the teeth now, about my responsibility to take care of the most important person in the room and give them a message of HOPE. the reality is that their lives, as brand new potential members are probably far more chaotic than mine, and anything i may say, that smacks of insincerity or advice will promptly be sent down the black hole of the bit bucket. what about the addict who still suffers, that has one year, five years hell, even a decade, when do they get the opportunity to hear a message of HOPE that is no0t tailored to those who may still be trying to decide if they are even an addict. in fact, what i have seen is some of the newest of the new are more concerned about being the center of attention than actually wanting to do anything for their recovery. they drop their shite on the group, and promptly go out for a smoke, or start playing Candy Crush on their phones. even if they are willing to do something different, they do not seem interested in hearing what anyone else has to say. it has always been like this, and wasting my time, trying to figure out who wants to be here and who is just here because they are bored or in trouble, is a task i choose to send to my bit bucket these days.
ah i could look back on those nostalgic days when i was starting my recovery, for real, after eighteen months of fronting my recovery, when my sponsor finally had me read the three disturbing realizations and write about those fifty or so words. when i got down to it, i realized that taking responsibility for my recovery was what is all about. nowhere did it say that i needed to take responsibility for the recovery of someone else. in fact, elsewhere i have read that i am not only powerless over my addiction, i am powerless over the addiction of others. what that means is that i share what i need to and leave how it lands on the ears of others i leave to them. anyhow it is time to head on out to my home group and hear someone else share a little bit of their experience strength and hope.

∞ DT ∞