Blog entry for:

i find that i cannot help those i hold most dear. i have learned it is better to leave them in the care of a HIGHER POWER. i know that the reading is about helping my family members find a path to recovery, however for me, today, it made me think of those who have been in the rooms that i feel are almost like family. as i continue on this journey of recovery. i have gained the ability to love and care about others, this has become a double-edged sword, because sometimes it feels like i care too much, and i have lost the ability to detach on any level. yes, i get angry when my friends go out, yes i get angry when i hear the wild excuses they use to justify their using and yes after the anger fades i feel sad. all of those feelings are feelings that could make me step in and try to control this and that. altering those feelings through behavior is one of the new ways that addiction affects my life. that effect drives me towards wanting to step in and take control, in fact one of the things i joke about with my significant other, is to tie someone up to the pole in our basement, put recovery literature into the Cuisinart and force feed them recovery, until they finally GET IT!
learning to detach the need to behave in such a manner is what i heard in the reading this morning. so whether i am feeling the need to drag someone into recovery by their short hairs about the family i share blood with, or the family i share the rooms with, the end result is the same -- detach and feel my feelings OR control, cajole, and manipulate, and possibly chase them from recovery forever. today, i do believe i will take the more rational of the two paths and do my best to detach with care. i CAN be an example of the by-products of recovery instead of the example of the face of untreated addiction today. so it is off to the showers and into this very full day.

∞ DT ∞