Blog entry for:

of my own ongoing recovery, has been far from stellar, especially lately. more than once i have wanted to reach into the life of someone close to me and offer a nugget of **advice** under the cover of **wisdom** based on my experience. the fact that i have not succumbed to that temptation is proof that i do have a bit of power when it comes to dealing with DESIRE. i have been acting out in other ways,the biggest and baddest of them all, being my ongoing rebellion to having to stay home. now for the next seven days, the mandate from the Governor is overlaid with my on-call duties at work. i feel that yoke chafing and me spinning down into a morass of self-pitying bouts of being a victim, even though i am not sick and have not been in contact with anyone that is sick. my routine and adherence to that routine, seems to be the only thing that is keeping me stable, other than attending meetings on a more than regular basis. i am connected anyhow, a bit miserable, but connected with my peers nevertheless, and that is a positive part of my routine, even when the meetings turn into “ZOOM love-fests.”
my family? well they are who they are and i long ago took the advice of reading such as these and allow them the FREEDOM to find whatever path they need to find. close friends that are in and mostly “out” of recovery, not so much. i still reach out to those itinerant peers, in the hope that maybe i can find a way to bring them back around. the fact is, i seem to think there is some sort of loophole in the wisdom presented in the reading this morning, because i am not related to them. what i am walking away with, as i prepare to get some steps in before the yoke of work restricts what i think i can do, is that i NEED to apply the same principles to my friends that i have adopted with my family, specifically show them that this gig can and does work for addicts, such as myself and let them know i can help, when they are ready to accept that help. so off into the dawn i trot, carrying a bit less angst and a bit more acceptance of what is, just for today.

∞ DT ∞