Blog entry for:

my family, friends, acquaintances and sponsees in the care of the POWER that fuels my recovery. so shoot me, i expanded the scope of the reading just a bit to get a bit more traction on the REAL issue at hand. the issue, i hear you ask, as you scratch your chin and ponder what deep thoughts i may appear to be having. that issue is that i NEED to remember the first step. the reading does more than suggest an expansion of the true nature of powerlessness.
NOT ONLY AM I POWERLESS, OVER MY ADDICTION, I AM POWERLESS OVER EVERYONE ELSE'S, AS WELL!
it does not matter how close i am to them,. how much DNA i share with them, how much i like or do not like them, what their favorite color is, or anything else, the simple fact is that i have no power over their addiction. as simple and fVcking obvious as that may seem, i still sometimes think that if i can just manipulate, game, bully or harass them enough, that i can apply some power and get them off the path they are walking and on to a path that will be better for them. the irony here, is yesterday, while playing at being a member of the other 85% at work, i said that today i am grateful for my past, with all its mistakes, pitfalls, bad decision, insanity and yes uncontrollable active addiction, it is BECAUSE OF that, i am the man i am today. i NEEDED to go through all of that, regardless of what my family or anyone else thought or felt, to become ready to accept the gift that recovery IS today.
with that in mind, it is time to march off to the shower and prepare to join the other 85% in pursuit of my daily living. the gift here, is that i MAY look like them, and yes even act like them for the most part, i am STILL an addict through and through and i CHOOSE a path of active recovery today. i have a life that has meaning BECAUSE i am clean and want to become the MAN i have always wanted to be.

∞ DT ∞