Blog entry for:

round two!
okay i am all thumbs this morning, as it were. literally i just wiped out a whole entry by playing with my mouse, instead of typing away the characters that make up what is on my mind.
anyhow, i had a very strange dream last night, which may or may not tie into the reading but is certainly where i am this morning. i dreamt that i was in the borough in Minnesota, that was the main focus of my FOURTH STEP in this set of steps. no matter how fast i ran how tricky i got, which street i tried to run down, i was always a block or a few seconds of catching the RTD out of there and back to my home here in Colorado. well maybe not home, bust certainly back to somewhere close enough that i could get home. that being a very small town, of course i ran into one friend, peer or acquaintance after another, and they each embraced me, said goodbye, told me to wait at the bus stop and walked away. then oi would turn and see the bus leaving without me again, and i would try and chase it down by running to where i though the next bus stop would be. amazingly., i was never felt afraid, angry or frustrated, just kind of sad and ready for the whole thing to be over.
what i heard when i sat down this morning, was that dream had a few levels, one that it was time to let go of being a victim of that place, that time and those people. the path to letting go, requires no effort on my part, just standing still and waiting for the vehicle to remove me from there and as i am waiting i will see everyone i need to see and allow myself to forgive them for the transgressions against me, that i have convicted them of, for so long.
so this reading was about detachment and when i consider what mny dream was about, it certainly fits into the same theme, not quite in the same manner, but close enough to be written about. just as i need to detach from that time and place, as i have grown far beyond my youthful emotions of how evil and dark that time was, so i have to let go of my friends, family members and yes, friends, close associates and peers, with respect to their addiction. it is not for to judge who does and does not need this program. when i stop, allow them to see the benefits a program of recovery in my life, instead of try to hammer them down, then they can choose for themselves, if they wish to continue spinning in and around their active addiction or at the least the insanity in their lives, that looks like a life in active addiction. it is all about letting go and allowing them the freedom to discover and decide for themselves, where they want to go today. just as i had to stop, wait for the bus and say goodbye to the notion of a dark, dank and evil place, so i have stop let go and allow others to reach the jumping off point, by themselves. today i can see that detachment and not personalization is what i am all about.

∞ DT ∞