Blog entry for:

more often than not they come from the overall sense of joy i feel in my new life. although after two hours of work and almost eight hours yesterday, it is tough to feel extremely grateful right at this second. yes, that is a fine whine, and there will be no entree to accompany that particular vintage.
from here on out, i promise nothing, at least as far as this blog is concerned. yes, i do feel grateful this morning, and one of the things i am grateful fore, is that i GET to come back to work, i have the means to support myself this morning and that is a gift of recovery. even more important, i LIKE doing what i am doing and it is far from a chore to do it on a daily basis. that was not always the case. if one were to look at my work history, one would find it littered with attempts at a seemingly random variety of career paths. my current avocation was entered into when i was still using, and at that time it was the last house on the block. little did my family realize that when the offered me a job, it would become my life's work. when my active addiction was arrested, i really did not know what i wanted to be when i grew up. even though i know what i am today, i am still looking at the possibilities of what i will become as i grow up. i have heard many people say, that they hope to never grow up, and although that sentiment may work for them, for me, i am tired of being a perpetual adolescent. i robbed myself of the opportunity to grow up with everyone else, while i was active in addiction, and as i see the joy in becoming an adult, i am grateful (yes there is that word once again) for the opportunity to become the man i never dreamed of becoming. yes i am 53 years old physically, who knows where i stand mentally, all i know that as i stay clean, as i work steps, i find greater joy in taking responsibility for myself and my family. being grown-up does not preclude me finding joy in jumping into a cenote, or being so silly that my gut aches from laughing, nor does it mean that i have to look at the world as some sort of challenge that needs to be overcome on a minute by minute basis. no for me, growing-up means a whole lot more, and perhaps some day i will gratefully arrive there.
this has been a wonderful break from the work at hand, it is now time for me to jump into the shower and get started on the rest of what needs to be done this morning. so thank you for being here for me, and showing me that i can be grateful for what i have been given, especially the joy in being here one more day.

∞ DT ∞