โ my gratitude speaks when i care and when i share with others โ
Posted: Thu, May 3, 2012 07:49:35 AM
about the miracle of a life of active recovery. okay, i just broke a ruel about using terms that can be interpreted as being religious, so sue me! anyhow, that is the word that just popped out as i was feeling the gratitude that i have today and that was the reading was all about. the language of being grateful. as i sat in the meeting last night, looking and listening to waht was going on, i wondered where i would be had i never been forced by circumsatnces beyond my control to land in the rooms. when i say that the only reason i got clean and kept coming was to get off paper, it is not a lie. had i left when that happeneed, like my original plan, i would have cheated myself out of so much more. and yes cheated myself out of what life has to offer, far beyond my exit from the justice system.
although i use the word grateful often enough, to cheapen its effect, it is the closest word to what i feel nearly every day. even though i had to do two things at once on the bus this morning, even though i could not get my a$$ out of the door with any sort of dispatch, even though it feels like my gig in Denver is coming to an end, i can be grateful that i have all of that to worry and whine about. although i can imagine where i might be, if i never found recovery, taht exercise is one i choose not to particpate in this morning. where i am today is far more impoertant and i am on a very full and hot bus, waiting to turn on to US 36 in Broomfield. i have some side jobs trickling in, and i have FAITH, that IF i keep my eyes and ears open and do the foot work, spiritually and physically, my next opprtunity will be here for me to take advantage of, when it needs to happen.
it is ironic, that someone who abhors the dogma of organized religion and all of its trappings, can have the desire to advance myself on the material plane. terms like: faith, graditude and miracle, just seem to roll out of my lips, as if i was a card carrying member of one religion or another and yet even when i hear myself speaking those words i do not feel anything bad or nasty, nor does lightning strike me from out the clear, blue sky. the gifts that have come from the simple act of staying clean, just for today over 5000 days ago are almost beyond enumerating. is there more to come? well not much from my mind, BUT from the POWER that fuels my recovery, i would have to say empatically, YES! that is what i am mst grateful for right now a tiny bit of FAITH and HOPE, that IF i do the next right thing, i will get exactly what i NEED, just for today.
although i use the word grateful often enough, to cheapen its effect, it is the closest word to what i feel nearly every day. even though i had to do two things at once on the bus this morning, even though i could not get my a$$ out of the door with any sort of dispatch, even though it feels like my gig in Denver is coming to an end, i can be grateful that i have all of that to worry and whine about. although i can imagine where i might be, if i never found recovery, taht exercise is one i choose not to particpate in this morning. where i am today is far more impoertant and i am on a very full and hot bus, waiting to turn on to US 36 in Broomfield. i have some side jobs trickling in, and i have FAITH, that IF i keep my eyes and ears open and do the foot work, spiritually and physically, my next opprtunity will be here for me to take advantage of, when it needs to happen.
it is ironic, that someone who abhors the dogma of organized religion and all of its trappings, can have the desire to advance myself on the material plane. terms like: faith, graditude and miracle, just seem to roll out of my lips, as if i was a card carrying member of one religion or another and yet even when i hear myself speaking those words i do not feel anything bad or nasty, nor does lightning strike me from out the clear, blue sky. the gifts that have come from the simple act of staying clean, just for today over 5000 days ago are almost beyond enumerating. is there more to come? well not much from my mind, BUT from the POWER that fuels my recovery, i would have to say empatically, YES! that is what i am mst grateful for right now a tiny bit of FAITH and HOPE, that IF i do the next right thing, i will get exactly what i NEED, just for today.
∞ DT ∞