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and when i share, in the language of recovery. have to admit that today, i am not feeling all that grateful and it is life on its own terms that is driving me to distraction. whining and moaning, however, will not make this addict feel any better, so suffice it to say, that as long as i am clean, and i am just for today, and have a path to further enlightenment ahead of me, and i do, i can be grateful to see the sky, one more day. it always amazes me when i get to a place where i want to abdicate my responsibility to this life and just be plain miserable. this morning, abdication feels as if it would be a path i could take quite easily and it is only the weight of what is good in my life that keeps me from turning that way.
this morning, as i wonder whether or not i really want to do a trot in the rain, which has just come down to a hard NO! i may not be the most “fit” person on the block, but just as my recovery is something i have to nurture on a daily basis, so is my fitness. i have the resources to go workout in a warm dry space, instead of donning my rain gear and getting cold and wet. i also have the opportunity to stay clean today, with very little effort on my part. thew inertia here is in credible as the days of living my program carry me through the days when i just want to say FVCK IT ALL and run. this morning, i am grateful for that inertia, as over the past few months i have been ripped to shreds and put back together again in a whole new configuration, one that i am just beginning to understand.
so as i get back to work, finish my travel details to attend another funeral, and get myself ready for this day, i can be grateful that as much as may not “like” the current state of my life, i can be grateful that i have it. i do not have to look over my shoulder to see who is coming. i am not waiting for the other shoe to drop and i do not need to “hit the pipe,” to deal with current events. i have a program of recovery that sustains me with friends and peers who care for me, when i cannot care for myself. i have a POWER that fuels that recovery and provides me the opportunity to get all that i need. with all of that backing me up, i guess i do have something to be grateful for this morning, just for today.

∞ DT ∞