Blog entry for:

by the certainty of the course my life would have taken, had i not found recovery.
well it has been a great 24 hours, hanging with my peers, friends and acquaintances while we watched one of the most boring and excuse laden fights in my experience, was fun and certainly well worth the time and effort i put into it. okay this may seem like a tangent, but hold on → as i look through my FaceBook news feed, i see many of those with whom i share my recovery with, present on a daily basis. some of them, share what is going on, and others seem to hide behind the spiritual principles to avoid allowing anyone to see who they are. by copying this and that and pasting it to their timeline, they hide who they really are, and i wonder if they really are grateful for another day clean. not that i always show all my cards, to all those i interact with, all the time, but more and more as i get a bit more open, i wonder about those who hide behind their clean time and the words of others. not that i am totally innocent when it comes to being a master of spiritual camouflage, that is seriously one of my favorite go to modes, especially when i am afraid of what others may see in me. so the long way to get here finally, when i feel grateful for what recovery has given me, i can say so and better yet,m behave honestly and with a genuineness that is foreign to me. after all, it is better to hide behind a wall or two, based on what i have learned rather than take the chance that my fraud will be discovered and published quite publicly for all my peers to see.
the question then becomes, how do i express the gratitude that fills me today? yes words are inadequate, especially those of someone else, no matter how advanced, spiritual; or smart they may make me look. the fact is, that for me, that is just another diversion from the real deal, a detour into the land of Nod, that sooner or later will isolate me and make this half-life of nonexistence miserable enough that just one sumthin', sumthin' will do the trick. back to the question at hand, how do i express the gradtitude i have found? well the first thing i NEED to do, is hit a mweeting and even if i do not share the most spiritual, pithy, wise or humorous, words, at least i am present to carry the message, that yes recovery does happen and no one need not be miserable, living a life beyond using. one need not have the largest bank account, the coolest career, the most toys or the biggest whatever, to be happy, all one needs is another day clean and the HOP{E of another day to be so tomorrow.
yes i am grateful for all i have today, most important of all, the sense of self i have been given as a result of working the steps. i DO NOT the impotent flattering nabobs, telling me how much they respect my recovery, because i know where my recovery comes from.

∞ DT ∞