โ my gratitude speaks โ
Posted: Tue, May 3, 2005 05:57:34 AM
ok, this could be quite the list of all i am grateful for today. or i could write about how i share my gratitude. or i could go off on an entirely different tangent.
i think a tangent is where i am this morning, after working with a sponsee and dragging a newcomer off to a meeting last night, i get a sense of something new growing inside of me. what exactly this something new is, i have not a clue, i only know that i have been resistant and have tried to prevent anything from happening for the past couple of weeks. i am afraid of what is happening because lately every time i got a new tool or feeling, i become so passionate and entirely consumed by it that i have to back-off and isolate for a few days and let it integrate into my global view of self, so i do not have to clean-up behind me. the sense of what i think is happening is a resolution of the current manifestation of my insanity and i am more than a bit uncertain of the outcome. so my normal reaction these days is to block the process with all my will and run from my feelings, just like i have been doing. i also know that when i finally decide to let go and allow the process to continue i feel better and move forward.
so i guess i am grateful that i am not starting over from day 3, merely going through yet another phase of growth and integration. DAMMIT!
∞ DT ∞
i think a tangent is where i am this morning, after working with a sponsee and dragging a newcomer off to a meeting last night, i get a sense of something new growing inside of me. what exactly this something new is, i have not a clue, i only know that i have been resistant and have tried to prevent anything from happening for the past couple of weeks. i am afraid of what is happening because lately every time i got a new tool or feeling, i become so passionate and entirely consumed by it that i have to back-off and isolate for a few days and let it integrate into my global view of self, so i do not have to clean-up behind me. the sense of what i think is happening is a resolution of the current manifestation of my insanity and i am more than a bit uncertain of the outcome. so my normal reaction these days is to block the process with all my will and run from my feelings, just like i have been doing. i also know that when i finally decide to let go and allow the process to continue i feel better and move forward.
so i guess i am grateful that i am not starting over from day 3, merely going through yet another phase of growth and integration. DAMMIT!
∞ DT ∞