Blog entry for:

there are many times i feel like i cannot take another step in recovery, it is those times i rely on a POWER greater than myself and addiction to pull me through, that POWER works through the members of the fellowship that gave me this manner of living. they encourage me to do the next right thing, work that next step, and just hold on, because “this too shall pass.”
i have commented in the past about my opinion about this metaphor, so there is no reason to even repeat that opinion today. this morning, although settling in was not in the cards, i did manage to quiet my hyperactive mind long enough to hear something, that something was: ‘to hang in there, hope is always here.’ not that i think i was feeling particularly hopeless, but i am working through unmanageability in my step work, and i can see where the hopelessness could be creeping into my attitude as the FIRST STEP does its work on me. however that is a tangent into an entirely different topic.
so where was i? oh yeah, getting what i need from the fellowship that saved my life. the encouragement i have been taught to offer, comes back to me when i am uncertain, unwilling or just plain living in FEAR. those members that were here when i got this recovery gig started and those with whom i share my recovery with today, GIVE ME what i need to do whatever it takes to JUST NOT USE, TODAY. it is my task to return that same encouragement back to the fellowship by being present for what is going on in me as well as what is going on for others. the real trip in my head this morning? all of this is great, BUT how do i offer encouragement in general, when i attend very few meetings, even fewer events, less and less service committee meetings and generally live my life like a so-called ‘normal’ person. i could quite easily pass for someone like that these days, and in fact writing that down removes a bit of power from that statement. very interesting and i am beginning to see what happens to us as we stay clean for what feels like the shortest forever in creation. that is also a topic for another day, just for day i will accept the encouragement and suggestions from my peers and my associates and i will offer mine. i can and will do that, just for today.

∞ DT ∞