Blog entry for:

i came to recovery unable and unwilling to take care of myself. in fact, despite all the noise i made about being able to take care of myself, i was quite dependent of my enablers to provide for my needs, emotionally and materially. i used emtional blackmail, to manipulate them into providing what i desired, when they told me they were tapped-out. i saw nothing wrong with that sort of behavior, as it was their fault i was the way i was. yes i was quite the piece, crippled or not. as i stay clean, just for today, i am seeing that i no longer need to live in that manner.
this morning as i head to Northern Ireland for one more day of seeing the sights, i am battling COVID and a desire to tell someone off. COVID will run its course, the self-absorbed, over-entitled person i am sharing my time with, is never, ever, going to figure out how to see the needs of others, and i am totally powerless over her behavior. i do have the power, thanks to the POWER that fuels my recovery, to take care of myself. taking care of myself means i do not cave in and let go and say who the FVCK do you think you are, wake the FVCK up and smell the coffee and pay attention to what is going on around you. i want to say that, but i do not want to admit i am wrong, so i use the power to shut-up and let go. good thing i have had plenty of practice with someone who is to self-involved to realize that they are demanding, crippled martyrs to their own poor decision-making. just for today, i can be quiet, as my voice is nearly gone, and allow what is, to simply be.

∞ DT ∞