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watching a child learn to walk, is quite an interesting metaphor for the starting line of the recovery process. quite honestly, sometimes i find this cheesy,and corny, today, however, i am in a different frame of mind.burning brightly in my head, is a tale of two peers
…it is the season of Light, it is the season of Darkness, it is the spring of hope, it is the winter of despair, they have everything before them, they have nothing before them…
true, i cherry picked my way through what might have been a cool allusion, but the contrasts and the similarities between the two of them are remarkable, starting with the fact that they share the date of their birth. the point i was getting around to, before going all literary is this: i NEED to freely give my encouragement to both of these people, regardless of what i believe either of them have or have not done to and for me. for someone who is quite human, that is difficult to do with little or no expectation of return.
as i contemplate my reactions to my interactions with the both of them, i have to wonder if i am giving enough encouragement, without just blowing smoke up their proverbial a$$. for me, that equation, encouragement vs bullsh!tting, seems very fluid, as variables of the situation continually morph form what they were when i starting working with that complex set of equations. here is where the work i have been doing on my ELEVENTH STEP, starts to pay off. as “hearing” the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery, is not schizophrenic voices in my head, but rather a feeling of certainty that the next action, or decision i take, is the right thing to do. in these complex interactions, feeling that will is more important than thinking about what i am doing and fretting over the uncertainty that i am doing the next right thing.
which brings me back the the literary allusion-like passage that i started with, each of these men, need different levels of encouragement. what i have learned over the course of my relationships with the both of them, is that it is me, who needs to tread carefully, with what i know, and how i give it away. i am certainly playing the role of older brother here, as both of the guys, start their recovery journeys, but the support and encouragement i provide is not nearly as overt as other of my peers, and that is not a bad thing. i give what i can of myself, and i am learning to give it unconditionally and without expectation of return. i recently got busted for doing a good deed for these guys, and now, to be truly humble i have to acknowledge his gratitude and move on.
moving on myself, it is a great day to be clean and as this day winds up, i certainly i hope i have enough of a spiritual charge, that i can detect and do the next right thing, which may just be saying, it is alright to stumble and fall, get up off the ground, brush yourself off, and try again.
It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known.

∞ DT ∞