Blog entry for:

all cheesy metaphors aside, this morning i found something out when i actually sat down, got past my opinion and became willing to listen. what i heard was regardless of whether or not i was seeing the sponse tonight on my way through Golden, finish writing that dang THIRD STEP, and i just did. i also decided against doing something behind a struggling client's back, which i guess is a sign of growth. this has turned into a long exercise this morning as i have found one thing after another to do while i was writing this.
what i am going to do now is: STOP, resettle down and listen before i go on.
okay, a couple of things, as the seed states i have learned how to provide my encouragement to those who are just starting their journey. that was a piece of cake. the place where i have problems are those infinite relapsers, especially the particular intransigent ones, that have been “around” 12 STEP programs for years and years. of course the door is always open for them, and of course they NEED to be welcomed and encouraged to keep coming back. BUT sometimes i feel like i am throwing a stone down a bottomless pit when it comes to these addicts. they just seem to think, and that is in my opinion the problem. i understand the concept of knowing the language of recovery and being able to disqualify myself from morphing words and concepts into living action. after all, i was different. i was smarter, more rational and never ended up homeless as a result of my addiction. in fact, even the summer decided that running away from home was a good idea, i was never more than two days without a shower. i was arrogant, close-minded and certainly not ready to ascribe to a spiritual manner of living, especially one that included surrendering my WHOLE will and life into the care of a nebulous HIGHER POWER. no, not me, i did not think it was prudent and i resisted with all my might, until i finally reached a consequence that was untenable to me -- PRISON.
yet, those who were her, encouraged me to keep coming back. they told me that i COULD do this and that IF i did this gig, i would be rewarded beyond my wildest dreams, and they were right. so turning the tables, i guess what i am saying is that now i is one of them, so my job is to encourage the newcomers, even those that have been around before, to work on getting this program. recovery is not for the weak and feeble, and very few who survive addiction are weak and feeble, in fact in my experience they are some of the strongest willed and stubborn people i have ever met and allowed to become part of my life.
so tolerance, and patience are what i hear this morning. giving away what i have been given is also a part of my plan for today, so we will see how well i can practice all of that as well as everything else i have to do today, it after all, a good day to be clean.

∞ DT ∞