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gravity is the root of lightness; stillness, the ruler of movement. -- Lao-Tse
it is true, i am breaking out of a pattern to start this off just a bit differently. i have complained in the past about how **cheesy** i find some of the metaphors used in the daily readings to be, so no need to go through that bit of pain, one more time. as i struggled to find that exact phrase from the reading itself that expressed what i was feeling this morning, the snippet above appeared on my web page, as i have it set to do so. in a random world, random events may actually express what i am feeling better that me hemming and hawing to find that perfect“turn of a phrase.” looking to my peers for encouragement was far from my number one concern when i crawled into the rooms and providing encouragement for my newest peers, does not come naturally to me. once i got over my bad self, i finally realized how much encouragement this addict really did need, back in the days when i was “learning to walk,” after years of realizing that coming down was the hardest thing after “flying without wings.”
when i see the toughest of the tough walk into the rooms, i recognize myself and spin back all the days between now and then. it is true i did nit get clean after my first meeting. it is also true that staying clean for any extended period of time was never my plan. despite all of that, here i am still wondering how i can provide HOPE to the newest of my peers. i may not take on “projects,” or need to hear the pain of a newcomer's life to feel grateful for what i have. what i do NEED is an opportunity to give away what was was given to me, even if i am rougher and gruffer than some of my peers. the irony here is that as i stay clean and get further and further away from my last day using, i forget what the desperation i denied actually felt like. i forget what it felt like to crave something that had unacceptable consequences, to the point of not caring what happened, just so i could “fly” once more for at least twenty minutes.
what does all this really mean for me today? it means i never give up on my peers, even when they appear to be totally lost. it means that when i speak to the newest of the new, i let them know that as dark as the world looks today, there is HOPE that they too can can get a few days clean and start to uncover the light within. most of all, this means that like them, i can CHOOSE to get another day clean, by listening to what my “brothers and sisters” are telling me, even when they are pronoun challenged.

∞ DT ∞