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as the newest of my peers take their first steps, is a rewarding experience for me. at times, i hesitate to get **too close** to those very members because i am afraid i will get **too attached.** not to belabor a point and a bit off on a tangent, this is one of the metaphors i find more than a little annoying and this morning was no exception. what i did find in myself though, was the ability to walk away from the vehicle and listen for the message, save for this brief diver into my opinion about the vehicle.
thinking about and hearing my internal response about i act around recent additions to my peer group, is not a very comfortable thing to do, as i have one ginormous justification for keeping my distance, FEAR of getting hurt, once again. over the course of the few thousand days i have accumulated, more than once has a FNG, broken their promises and burned the living crap out of me. as a result, i am more than a little reluctant to allow them to get too close to me, and let my other peers take on a “new guy project.” the fact that i can use that term is more than telling and it is far from original. even though i would not want to admit it, that is certainly how i saw working with the newest of the new, not all that long ago. in fact i saw working with the newcomer as some sort of “status symbol,” and one i had to emulate. that was of course after i thought i had all the answers and was the local recovery guru, but before i realized how much more i certainly had to learn.
finding myself in the role of sponsoring a new guy, does not happen all that much these days, more than likely since i am in one of my “quiet” phases when it comes to sharing. i know that having a bit of clean time and choosing not to share, is selfish and self-centered, but that is a topic for another day. what is on point for this discussion, is a look at how i encourage the newest members, to “walk” those first awkward and painful days clean. although i want to see myself as open and helpful, more than likely i come off as standoffish and aloof, and this is certainly something i could work on. as i am seeking a new point of balance in my life and obsessing about my fitness program, has certainly upset that cart, being more open and approachable by design, may just do the trick. certainly putting myself out there, instead of sitting against the wall with my arms folded against my chest would be a good start as well.
cheesey metaphors aside, thinking about how i encourage the newcomer and seeking direction to bring that into the balance of my life, is certainly a great thought to start my day. seeking the power within to be willing and open-minded to change sounds like a great plan, just for today. after all, if i want to be a part of this fellowship i need to stop standing apart from those very souls who provide me the tools i need to recover today.

∞ DT ∞