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i try to carry this message to addicts, and to practice these principles in all my affairs.
it is true, i updated the tense of the action, as i have never understood why it was written as **tried** instead of **try.** it is also true, that the blog i posted yesterday was brief, to be kind to my effort. brief or not,what i feel this morning is a whole bunch of gratitude for being around and capable of writing this entry as well as trying to carry some sort of message and more importantly practicing these principles in all my affairs. in fact, i never understood why the so-called daily living part of the steps were in past tense if i was supposed to be doing them in the here and now, but that is as it is and one comment upon them is more than sufficient to post before i move on.
i know the reading is about a 12TH STEP call never being a failure IF i come out of it clean. i also know the reading speaks of me being an example of what a recovering addict can be, for those who are in, around or have the notion they need to be, in a 12 step recovery program. in fact, now that i have had a chance to slow down a bit and let my head catch up with my heart, i now think that is a good place to go. all though i have often though of myself as being more than i was, and that EVERYONE had something to learn form me, all that was , was false pride to cover a severely diminished lack of self-worth. coming to terms with that, put me intro a place where i believed that no one could learn anything from me, except how NOT to do this gig, after all, i was the worse example of what living a program of recovery had to offer. i see that phase as part of my growth experience and just as false and sick as the attitudes that i came to the program with, way back when. what i see today, as i LIVE the program, is an addict, who is doing his best to recover on a daily basis, and can be an example and a source of information because of what i have had the opportunity to experience since getting clean and more importantly since actually deciding to live a program of recovery, and those really are TWO separate events.
so living a 12TH step is carrying a message, it really is that simple when i boil it down. my life is a dynamic and progressive 12TH Step call, when i apply these principles in all my affairs and is not when i am living in self-will and a faithless state. which is pretty close to the mark in recent times. that last statement may be a touch of hyperbole, but not that much. the problem i have been having is not allowing the POWER that fuels my recovery care for my entire will and life. i am starting, ever so slowly, to allow that to change so that i can progress in my program instead of stagnate in the limbo of 'tween the steps. what a concept apply the 12TH step to live the 3RD!
as i am home, and as i lived in more than a touch of self-will last week, i now have a pile of stuff to do, some of it left over, some of it new and since it is Monday, i better get cracking. it is a great day to BE clean and even a better day to learn how to walk in the FAITH that if i allow it, the POWER that fuels my recovery will provide me the opportunity and the means to take care of what i need to take care of today.

∞ DT ∞