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and to practice these principles in all my affairs. ironically, i am sharing my story tonight. my HOPE is that someone in attendance will hear something that they need to hear, and that i stay on a spiritual track and not venture off into self-will. there was once a time when i wanted so badly to be a sought after speaker, but these days, well not so much. i am grateful when asked, but truthfully would rather sit in the corner and listen most days. it is as it is, and i guess this week is certainly as good as week as any to end my drought of sharing in my home town, as i have been very quiet lately. one can wonder why, but for me, it has been a mixture of motives, mostly i would have been sharing at some of the most outrageous stuff i have been hearing lately. in my more outspoken days, i would nit ave hesitated saying what was on my mind in an open meeting, but i guess the kinder gentler man i have become, has decided that my voice and my opinions go to the mess and not the message.
all of that is great, and yes it does apply to the 12th STEP on all sorts of levels. as i get down to thinking about the reading on this cloudy Thursday morning, i can certainly be okay with my level of serenity and cleaning up the messes i made in the last 24. i also can be certain, that oversleeping, running late as i left the house, missing the bus i really wanted to make and all of everything that did not go according to my plan of the day, is part of another pattern that i cannot quite see yet. i may never get the text message that tells me what is up, but i do know that if i accept what is happening and move on, well i can just move on.
moving on…
well …
after taking a minute to listen to what is going on, i feel okay. no matter what i do not have to use. that is the message i can carry every day, no matter what, just for today. yes it sometimes sucks to not be where i planned, yes it sucks to have obstacle after obstacle thrown up in my path, and when i consider what i said to my sponsee the other night, i can see that is self-will and nothing else. yes i want what i want, but i always get what i need. that goes to the THIRD STEP, and that is where i need to live right here and right now, yes practice a bit of surrender, a bit of tolerance and more than a healthy dose of acceptance. in all my affairs this morning. being on the very slow boat to Boulder, is well, a bit frustrating. being on a slow boat in my recovery program, however is very dangerous. as i have seen from my peers who have made the decision to use. so i guess i can just sign-off, read a bit of the news of the world and be comfortable that each and everything that happens is part of some sort of pattern and i need to let go and go with the flow. that i can and will do.

∞ DT ∞