Blog entry for:

coming to the realization that the rooms are full of flawed human beings, is quite the freeing experience, after my initial shock wore off. there are a couple of directions i could go with this. the first, would be to shoot some fish a barrel and go after those members who act as if they are perfect and blame every faux-pas or misbehavior on something or someone else. anyone else, as a matter of a fact. they rationalize and justify their behaviors and in the long run fall back on the very line that i started with, if i were…
how do i know this? well it is a behavior i can quite easily engage in, and one that i have engaged in , across the course of my recovery. unsavory as it is, the fact remains that i can spot it, because i can do it. railing about it will do no good, as those who are the guilty of it, are the ones that will think that what i have written cannot possibly apply to them. feet of clay or not, a more apt metaphor would be the emperor's new threads.
that is, not what i heard this morning, but was apparently on the top of my head, so it needed saying. someone i do respect and who appears to be actually living a program of recovery is celebrating a anniversary today so as always i can give her a shout out:

26 years of ‘just for todays’ in a row
Awesome Tina B
Thank you for all you do!

so when i discovered how human the members of the fellowship were and are, it was a liberating experience, as it meant that i COULD be a part of this group. it gave me HOPE because for the first time i had discovered people just like me, who were doing this life gig, and despite being human and addicts were doing it successfully. yes they were firming relationships, regaining their families and accumulating material wealth. what impressed me, even though i was incapable of articulating the idea back in the day, was the amount of spiritual wealth they were accumulating and how the roller-coaster of emotions seemed to have slowed down for them. that was what i always desired most from getting high, the removal of the emotional highs and lows that is part of being human. recovery is no substitute for that, BUT it has taught me that i can ride that e-ticket ride and survive and even thrive, just like the rest of those oh spo imperfect beings who inhabit the rooms of the fellowship that has given me a new manner of living.
anyhow, time to hit the shower and get headed down south for another 8 hours in the cubicle. it is after all a great day to get paid for me efforts.

∞ DT ∞