๐ต feeling pretty poorly ๐
Posted: Wed, Sep 9, 2020 09:59:16 AM
about myself, was not something i came to, until i had a bit of clean time. denial and obfuscation allowed me to swallow my **true** feelings about who i was and what i was all about, way back when. over time, i learned to **feel** and come top a few conclusions about who i was and the progress i was making on my journey to become a better person. that path has been far from straight forward or easy, but i have persevered and have arrived at a new image of the man i am today.
i have said it in the past, and i still believe it today, i am quite a fan of rationally applying the scientific method to my recovery progress. my “working” is that by living the steps and recovery on a daily basis, i am becoming a better person. just as scientists do, i propose a theory, look at the evidence in a detached manner and alter my theory if the evidence does not support it. the detached manner is the tricky part for me, because when i look at myself, i have all sorts of baggage that i have accumulated since i became aware of the world around me. in fact, that baggage is what my step work seems to be focused on these days. IF i could not see and and have an emotional reaction to that crap, my theory would be subject to an extreme revision. as it s i “feel” that baggage weighing heavily on me and it is time to pitch it into the bit bucket. the only thing holding me back, is my FEAR of what i may become, if i do so.
i could go on and on about how all of this is playing out in my life, but my employer does not pay me to wax poetically about who i am and who i am becoming. honesty, open-mindedness and willingness are principles i can practice today and integrity means acting as i say i will. so time to practice a bit of all three and put this exercise to bed, just for today.
i have said it in the past, and i still believe it today, i am quite a fan of rationally applying the scientific method to my recovery progress. my “working” is that by living the steps and recovery on a daily basis, i am becoming a better person. just as scientists do, i propose a theory, look at the evidence in a detached manner and alter my theory if the evidence does not support it. the detached manner is the tricky part for me, because when i look at myself, i have all sorts of baggage that i have accumulated since i became aware of the world around me. in fact, that baggage is what my step work seems to be focused on these days. IF i could not see and and have an emotional reaction to that crap, my theory would be subject to an extreme revision. as it s i “feel” that baggage weighing heavily on me and it is time to pitch it into the bit bucket. the only thing holding me back, is my FEAR of what i may become, if i do so.
i could go on and on about how all of this is playing out in my life, but my employer does not pay me to wax poetically about who i am and who i am becoming. honesty, open-mindedness and willingness are principles i can practice today and integrity means acting as i say i will. so time to practice a bit of all three and put this exercise to bed, just for today.
∞ DT ∞