Blog entry for:

i felt despair because we did not have any solution of my own to that miserable longing. yes i killed my opponents in fantasy football league and yes i am impressing on the job, so what if anything can be wrong? the reading points to a chronic condition of mine and one i am sure i share with addicts everywhere that empty feeling inside. drugs did an adequate job in filling that void, and behaviors made up the difference, removing drugs from the picture was a shock to my system and certainly upset the cart.
when that feeling starts again, or rather when it's presence reaches my conscious awareness, i know something is lacking in my program of recovery. somewhere somehow, i have once again drifted away from the connection i have developed with the POWER that fuels my recovery. what that means, when i GET to consider it, is that i NEED to step up and do the next right thing, which ion this case is pausing and listening to my heart and the world around me, for a bit of direction. i have been a drift for a few days, as some of the details of the lives around me have come into focus. i know that today, my path is not one of wanton lust and desire, and passionately running from one cause to another. all of that is part of my life, but only i can allow it not to consume me, all i need do is ask for the strength to re-balance, re-tune and refresh my daily plan. not that i am too far off the path, this morning, but the new parts of my life are crowding out the old parts, and i am trying my best to work them all in, and not being all that successful at getting it all done, there are, after all, only so many hours in a day.
that longing or empty feeling has often been called a ‘GOD-shaped’ hole, and i agree with that terse description, as it ha s been my experience that nothing else can even begin to fill it. so today i will do my best to allow it to be filled by the POWER that fuels my recovery as i walk through this busy day. it is after all, great day to be clean.

∞ DT ∞