โต fixing that **different** โด
Posted: Tue, Sep 13, 2016 09:58:43 AM
place inside of me.
as i sit here after a very long night last night, when the biggest part of what i had to push, appeared to fail, i sort of feel more than a bit **different.** there was a time when i would be up to 2 AM, and show up to work the next morning, in no condition to do my job, reeking of the substances i did the night before and wishing the day was all ready over. today, i may not be as sharp or as quick as i was yesterday, but my mind and body are not recovering from mass quantities and i CAN do my job with aplomb. today, like my co-workers, i can fill my hours with useful labor, and not just sit around watching conspiracy, kitty cat and look at what this idiots is doing videos on the interwebs. the difference between that “once upon a time,” and now, is that today i have a program of living that is more than mere abstinence from using drugs. ah but you guys know all of that already. so what is different than all the other times i have written about this, or even stumbled across this reading in the course of my recovery journey?
honestly not a whole lot and just about everything. as i have become a proud “Godless heathen,” as a result of my 11TH step trip, it is difficult to say that “different place,” within me is being filled by GOD. well might have been difficult a year ago, as i had yet to complete STEP 11. when i say GOD, i actually mean all that is, or the POWER that fuels my recovery, that concept could separate me from my peers. it did for a while and i thought i would be exiting this fellowship stage right with great dispatch. well here i am, still kicking and using the term “GOD” without any issues. i was not all that differ after all, ironically, it was that very same issue, among many others, in a different form, that kept me from becoming a member for those first 18 months. today i see my difference is with the other 85% and not with my peers in recovery.
with that in mind, i think i can safely say that: just for today i am not seeking anything to fill that place, as i have already found it.
as i sit here after a very long night last night, when the biggest part of what i had to push, appeared to fail, i sort of feel more than a bit **different.** there was a time when i would be up to 2 AM, and show up to work the next morning, in no condition to do my job, reeking of the substances i did the night before and wishing the day was all ready over. today, i may not be as sharp or as quick as i was yesterday, but my mind and body are not recovering from mass quantities and i CAN do my job with aplomb. today, like my co-workers, i can fill my hours with useful labor, and not just sit around watching conspiracy, kitty cat and look at what this idiots is doing videos on the interwebs. the difference between that “once upon a time,” and now, is that today i have a program of living that is more than mere abstinence from using drugs. ah but you guys know all of that already. so what is different than all the other times i have written about this, or even stumbled across this reading in the course of my recovery journey?
honestly not a whole lot and just about everything. as i have become a proud “Godless heathen,” as a result of my 11TH step trip, it is difficult to say that “different place,” within me is being filled by GOD. well might have been difficult a year ago, as i had yet to complete STEP 11. when i say GOD, i actually mean all that is, or the POWER that fuels my recovery, that concept could separate me from my peers. it did for a while and i thought i would be exiting this fellowship stage right with great dispatch. well here i am, still kicking and using the term “GOD” without any issues. i was not all that differ after all, ironically, it was that very same issue, among many others, in a different form, that kept me from becoming a member for those first 18 months. today i see my difference is with the other 85% and not with my peers in recovery.
with that in mind, i think i can safely say that: just for today i am not seeking anything to fill that place, as i have already found it.
∞ DT ∞