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willing to expose their vulnerabilities was both shocking and refreshing, way back when i first walked into the rooms. although i was pretty sure i would NEVER, EVER be doing that. i had the deluded belief that i was not an addict and certainly did not belong with the “losers” i saw in the rooms. well, here i sit, decades later, as a member in good standing as one of those who expose their vulnerabilities, dreams, feelings, doubts and aspirations, willingly and freely when i am with my peers. for me, the risks in keeping all of that inside of me and on the down-low, is far more disconcerting, than the risk of revealing who i am.
as i listened to the quiet this morning, getting past what i have to do at work today, i got a sense of calm and a moment of peace, as i realized that these days, there is very little risk in being who i am and when the part of me i call addiction, rears its ugly head, as it is wont to do, i can remember the decades i was miserable, living the lie that created to bars of my self-imposed prison. i may have had moments of freedom across that span of time, but they were fleeting and certainly hard to recreate. my life is far from perfect these days, but i am true to myself and walk looking forward, rather than sideways to see how the crowds are reacting to me. i show who i am, to all comers and have very little trepidation in doing so. it is so nice to just be a human being and not have to play a role to whatever audience i happen to be in front of, these days. so with that, i will sign off and see what i can accomplish today.

∞ DT ∞