Blog entry for:

not today, but i have always felt different from my peers and those around me in the world. i was one of those who was always looking for that something different to give me an edge. since i did not fit socially or intellectually with the world around me, i was always was acting-out to get the attention and love i felt i deserved and was entitled to. using certainly helped, because just for a brief period i felt ‘normal’. over the course of my using career i used heavier and more mind-altering substances to lengthen that moment when i felt like a part of this world.
coming to recovery was not the instant cure that using was for the feeling of being way to different but, for the first time in my life i decided to give something that took longer than forty-five minutes a chance to work. i became willing to do what was suggested and open-minded to the fact that what i was possibly missing was something beyond the material realm. for the intellectual rebel that i believed i was, looking for something more in the spiritual realm was quite a leap of FAITH, before i even knew i had the capacity to have FAITH.
these days i am comforted by the idea that what i always lacked was a connection to the divine. i allow a HIGHER POWER to care for most parts of my life and am working on surrendering the rest of my will and my life into that loving care. i know today that i am different and need something more if i want to thrive and am willing to take that same leap of FAITH, on a daily basis and see what happens.
∞ DT ∞