Blog entry for:

that not all skilled people were not born with their skills. as i look around me,. i see all sorts of this principle in application. yes, i have some innate talents and skills, some things were easily learned by me, and some take lots and lots of practice. prayer was one of those skills, that was not something that came naturally to me.
sure as a kid, i went to church and chanted the words along with everyone else. in the beginning, those ceremonies were in a language that i was totally clueless about, but even when the ceremony was changed into the vernacular, the words were just words and had very little meaning or context in my life.
in active addiction, prayer was all about superstitiously asking for something or someone to come to my rescue and save my bacon, once again from the fire i had managed to put myself in.
so it is no wonder, that coming to a spiritual program i was so utterly clueless about anything and everything spiritual, everything had a rational explanation and nothing was beyond detection of my senses and the tools invented to enhance those senses to limits beyond my imagination. walking into a program, with a HUGE chip on my shoulder, i was asked, right from he start to do something that was an anathema to me. of course, that my first dip into the first step, was not enough to convince me that i was powerless over addiction, as i was so different from those who were already in the rooms, after all i had i hyphen in the label i used to describe myself. learning to actually pray and not just say words, is the skill i have been developing ever since. for me, i can see how critical it is for my ongoing development, and part of the problem with me getting through my just completed THIRD STEP was what i pray for and how i do it, pray that is. the end result has become something more than i ever imagined, and difficult as it is, i find myself reverting back to foxhole prayers less and less often, these days. i also have discovered that i can face a life that cannot be explained empirically, withing the bounds of rational explanations. most of all, prayer for me, although still resembling the ritual i practiced as a child and in active addiction, is becoming more than just something i automatically do twice a day, because they told me to, all those days ago. it is becoming a skill, as suggested by the reading, that is being honed by practice and my ever changing needs and desires.
it is however, time to get ready to head on down to one of the answers to my prayers, my 3 to 6 month contract gig. i am grateful for this opportunity and perhaps next week i will finally be able to integrate workouts into this new regime. OR NOT! anyhow it is a good day to have a connection with something more than the mundane, profane world that is detectable by my senses.

∞ DT ∞