Blog entry for:

of strength and comfort or merely a superstitious throwback that assuages my FEARS of what the day may bring? i have to admit, when i consider the whole notion of prayer, i always end-up stumbling on that question. in fact, other than when it is brought in the annual,cycle of daily meditations, never really consider the answer with any sort of seriousness. prayer is not a part of my spiritual practice, but i do retain it, as a reminder to myself to stay vigilant to what the POWER that fuels my recovery, has given me in the here and now.-prayer was not what came up from the part of my spiritual practice that i do religiously each day, so i will leave it at i pray daily for the power to stay clean and express gratitude for that power when i end my day.
as i listened this morning what i “heard” was an emotional reaction to someone who insist on providing their feedback, even though i do not need it and certainly do not want it. time and again, across the course of my recovery, they have been totally oblivious to who i am becoming and how much they missed in their eternal fog of self-obsession. where once i craved and labored for their approval, now i just get pissed off when they deign to give it to me. it is almost as if they do not want to admit that the part they now play in my life has been reduced to practically nil. they are not relevant in how i choose to live or what i choose to do, regardless of what they may think. when i get caught in that emotional trap based on what was and their inability to see the what is, i have to surrender to the fact that i am powerless over their stunted and outdated belief structure and they will not change until they have the desire to do so, which does not appear to be any time in their lifetime. SO SAD 😢!
i know what it is like to live in an outdated belief structure, trying with all my might to make reality fit into that box. time and again i was stymied, and what generally happened was ignored facts that i could not morph into a shape that fit. the easier, softer way was to pretend i was an ostrich and stick my head in the sand. that mode of living had limited success, and these days, i alter my belief system to fit the ever changing reality of life in this post-modern world. part of that new system is that i have to power to physically improve my health and as a result, the time has come to post this to the inter-webs and get out into the morning. it is a good day to be clean and a better day to live my life with eyes, spiritual and physical, wide open.

∞ DT ∞