Blog entry for:

as attached to the work i have to make things right whether or not others recognize it. as i read my source material this morning, i had two parallel thoughts about what it was saying. the first and most obvious was learning to forgive those who could not or would not accept my amends and forgive me. the second and most pertinent was forgiving others for the harms i perceive that they did to me, and have yet to own. a long minute ago, i moved into the first thought, as i realized that they may have their stuff and the they could still be hurting from what i did and bringing up our past, opened old wounds. the second path though, is a bit trickier for me and my lesson with my Mom, has been showing me that i need not rent headspace to someone who could not ever own her stuff and now that she has passed, never will. that lesson was driven home with my brush with cancer and the realization that the only one who was getting hurt was me, by my own hand as it were.
that brush with a deadly form of cancer has opened my eyes to the notion that my life, what i may have left of it, was too short to waste time and energy in carrying a resentment for someone who is no longer present in my life and will never be coming back. i can say that forgiving my Mom, has opened the door to a whole different outlook on what i am today and what i can become in the future. for a very long time, the payoff for “hating” on someone, was that i got to stand on the moral high ground and look down upon them. as i move forward i see that, too, is a waste of time and my valuable energy, as i do not need to boost my self-esteem by judging others to be less than i am. it comes down to a post i saw on one of those i follow on Twitter from a Christian, that democrats and liberals in general hate Christians and abuse them and their beliefs at every junction. i know and hang with a whole lot of liberals and democrats and i very rarely hear them slag any religion at all, except when that religion tries to force their belief system upon others through manipulating the law, banning books and screaming about putting God back in government. i hate to say it, but Christians are hardly an oppressed minority and there is no war on them or their religion, except for what they have manufactured in their own heads.
i was about to get up on a soapbox and go on and on, but have decided that i need to get some steps in, before the weather gets nasty. i am glad i can forgive others today and as a result forgive myself for carrying resentments against those who are or have been in my life. today is a good day to be a better person than i have been.

∞ DT ∞