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than self-centered, my despair turns to hope. there was a time, when i used to say that behind every great man there had to be...
oops, did not mean to go down that track.
where i was going, is that i used to think that despair was just an affliction for newcomers. that after some clean time, some step work and some growth, i would never despair again. for the most part that is true. today i look at the flip side, and live hopefully rather than desperately, however there are still times when despair is my companion. as the reading suggests, i despair, not because i cannot see anything hopeful BUT because i have lost the connection to the source of my HOPE, THE POWER THAT FUELS MY RECOVERY!
it really is as simple as that for me, and when i tell the men i sponsor, and my peers in recovery that very fact, they seemed put-off by how simply elegant that solution is. feeling desperate, improve your contact with the spiritual source of your recovery. in my experience, my life situation did not change in with a stroke of lightening and a boom of thunder, but my outlook did, and that made all the difference.
i believe, and this is MY OPINION ONLY, that each and every one of us has within us, the capacity to be HAPPY.i also believe that i am the cause of my unhappiness, blocking myself and my spirit from what i need to be happy. that does not mean i think i can sit around all day smiling and manna will drop from the sky and feed me tonight. nor does that mean that if i become an ascetic and withdraw from life, i will be any happier than i am right now. what that means to me, is that IF i take care of my spiritual condition and i take care of the footwork that i see in front of me, the chances are quite high that i can be happy in the here and now. i derive my happiness from the HOPE that i am on the right track and if i pay attention i WILL GET just what i need, even if it is not what i want.
right here and right now? well it is time to shower, shave and hit the dusty trail, as i have places to go and obligations to met and yes i feel HOPEFUL that all of this is part of the plan that leads to the new and improved version of me, one day at a time.

∞ DT ∞