Blog entry for:

of hope.
i wanted to add something to that last line, when i discovered there really was nothing that completed or modified that thought in a way i desired. i stay clean day after day. where once it was a chore and a state of being i did NOT desire, now it is almost automagic. ironically, getting tell a few of my least favorite people today that they have erred and are still living in denial of their errors, does not fill me with nearly as much glee as it did yesterday. maybe i have grown a bit of empathy or compassion. maybe it is because i am kick-as$$ tired due to having to wake up at 2:00 AM and having to deal with those onerous people for an hour and not getting back to sleep. or maybe, just maybe it is because i have a bit of HOPE that no matter what, things will work out in a manner i find desirable. neither of those situations are in a state i judge to be “positive” and neither of the main players in those situations choose to admit that they could possibly be wrong. that sort of behavior is quite familiar to me, as i certainly could enumerate example after an example of it from my active addiction, from my “and-a” days and from my active recovery. living in denial of the possibility that i may be wrong has dogged me throughout my days and the HOPE i have today, is that by seeing others living in that same state, i can surrender that behavior into the care of the POWER that fuels my recovery.
as i have all of a sudden run out of words, i am struck with just a little bit of gratitude that if i choose to do so today, when i speak to the others today, whether i judge them to be odious or not, i can disagree without being disagreeable, that i can get my point across without gleeful bullying and that i can listen to their concerns, in full before crafting my response. i think that just may be possible, just for today, but one will see.

∞ DT ∞