Untitled Entry
Posted: Wed, May 2, 2012 07:49:51 AM
but a part of their practical experience, although i had good reason to be skeptical, these spiritual principles really seemed to work.ย
so as i was quietly contemplating this reading this morning, i was struck by the conversation i had with a memebr of the other 85% last night while enjoying my Tuesday night cigar.. i make that assumption until i learn otherwise, but that is irrelevant. what rang in my ears, was how rigid he was in his belief system. for me to even suggest that i could live a life that emulated religious values without the trappings of religion, was an idea, that really seemed to perplex him. his reaction was not too dissimilar to mine, when i walked into the rooms and the members here, started to talk about spiritual principles. i mean Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, seriously, i am only here to get off paper and not to be some sort of cultish freak show. the last thing i NEEDED was to take part in superstition and ignorance.
well, i am still here, i have learned about a spiritual principles and actually have come to not ascribe to them, but learn how to live them. for me, the rewards are many and certainly boil down to the fact that, today i can CHOOSE how i want to live. no matter how i try and spin it, when i came to the rooms, i my free will was severely limited by active addiction. oh i could talk a great talk, but the reality was i used against my will every single day. i did not get any FREEDOM, until i started to become a member and that membership was contigent on my desire not to use. so it is true, it was a long time between my first visit to the rooms and the day i became a member. what finally convinced me, was not the material success i achieved, but the emotional and yes, spiritual freedom i got, once the desire to use was lifted from me.
making that decsion was qutie the process, but once i arrived there, it was one of those seminal events, that are often talked about, but very rarely experienced. that was the first time, i realized that the spiritul principle of surrender was not the same as resignation. tolerance was not ignoring the obvious, and acceptance was not cowardly. to be spiritual did not mean i had to be religious, irrational or anything i did not want to be. i can do th next right thing, just because it is the next right thing and not expect any reward in the here and now, or in eternity. i can love unconditionally and be loved without conditions. i can love myself, warts and all, without having to drag anyone else down. and yes i can ask the POWER that fuels my recovery to give me the power to stay clean today, without cringing, hedging or swallowing anything bitter and painful.
my expeience has been if it is not practical it is not spiritual, so as stripped down as i make, the spiritual path that i walking, is the only way for this addict to grow into the man he has always wanted to be. so as the bus gets closer to downtown, i think i am grateful that i was at least open-minded back in those dim and dark days of my early recovery, to stick around long enough to get this! it would have been a shame for me to have never known this manner of living.
so as i was quietly contemplating this reading this morning, i was struck by the conversation i had with a memebr of the other 85% last night while enjoying my Tuesday night cigar.. i make that assumption until i learn otherwise, but that is irrelevant. what rang in my ears, was how rigid he was in his belief system. for me to even suggest that i could live a life that emulated religious values without the trappings of religion, was an idea, that really seemed to perplex him. his reaction was not too dissimilar to mine, when i walked into the rooms and the members here, started to talk about spiritual principles. i mean Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, seriously, i am only here to get off paper and not to be some sort of cultish freak show. the last thing i NEEDED was to take part in superstition and ignorance.
well, i am still here, i have learned about a spiritual principles and actually have come to not ascribe to them, but learn how to live them. for me, the rewards are many and certainly boil down to the fact that, today i can CHOOSE how i want to live. no matter how i try and spin it, when i came to the rooms, i my free will was severely limited by active addiction. oh i could talk a great talk, but the reality was i used against my will every single day. i did not get any FREEDOM, until i started to become a member and that membership was contigent on my desire not to use. so it is true, it was a long time between my first visit to the rooms and the day i became a member. what finally convinced me, was not the material success i achieved, but the emotional and yes, spiritual freedom i got, once the desire to use was lifted from me.
making that decsion was qutie the process, but once i arrived there, it was one of those seminal events, that are often talked about, but very rarely experienced. that was the first time, i realized that the spiritul principle of surrender was not the same as resignation. tolerance was not ignoring the obvious, and acceptance was not cowardly. to be spiritual did not mean i had to be religious, irrational or anything i did not want to be. i can do th next right thing, just because it is the next right thing and not expect any reward in the here and now, or in eternity. i can love unconditionally and be loved without conditions. i can love myself, warts and all, without having to drag anyone else down. and yes i can ask the POWER that fuels my recovery to give me the power to stay clean today, without cringing, hedging or swallowing anything bitter and painful.
my expeience has been if it is not practical it is not spiritual, so as stripped down as i make, the spiritual path that i walking, is the only way for this addict to grow into the man he has always wanted to be. so as the bus gets closer to downtown, i think i am grateful that i was at least open-minded back in those dim and dark days of my early recovery, to stick around long enough to get this! it would have been a shame for me to have never known this manner of living.
∞ DT ∞