ยฝ i am willing, ยฝ
Posted: Sat, May 2, 2015 08:05:22 AM
at least, to open my mind to the possibility, that spiritual principles will work for me as well.
okay, i certainly could have chosen a better seed for starting off this exercise, after all, i have been clean for a minute and certainly have reaped the benefits of practicing these principles in all of my affairs. well a lot of my affairs anyhow. so this seed would lead me down the path of unicorns and rainbows and the whole “me too,” meme that i often hear in recovery. and from the opposite end of the same room, that there is never anything that can be taken at face value, especially when it comes to the daily reading. i certainly fall into the comfortable middle on this, but swing back and forth from me too, to that is so full of sh!t, i need to throw the whole stinking pile out. today, i am well ensconced in the middle, at least on this issue and i can certainly understand both ends of the spectrum. in fact the whole notion of opening my mind to the idea of spiritual principles, is in fact a spiritual principle onto itself.
so what is on my mind this morning? the very notion of how retarded i was in my early recovery, you know those eighteen months of going through the motions and expecting these magnificent results, with the bare minimum of work. ironically, most of what i did, back in those days to stay clean, i still do today, the difference is that i practice those principles because i want to get better to despite the fact that i have no desire to stay clean. maybe that is why, i have gotten to get more than just another day clean, in my life. doing those simple, daily tasks, every single day, allows me the freedom to be more than just another addict, in recovery. each and every day, i GET to find a path, that brings me more, but that path is not only littered with spiritual principles, it is also paved with them. in fact, spiritual principles are so pervasive in recovery, i often wonder how it is that some of my peers stay clean. i see them resisting the simple ideas put forward,m looking for the loopholes and doing everything they can, to justify and rationalize the behaviors they could have left on the side of that road, a long time ago. i grow weary of trying to be a rebel, and prove how fVcking different i am, even though i am like all of my peers, in the most fundamental ways. for me, life on two legs, is certainly a challenge enough. pile on addiction and boom, there is no reason for me to stay clean today. the only foil for that, is of course those very same spiritual principles, such as open-mindedness, that have opened the door for a new way of living. sure i can act as if i was some rebellious teenager and question everything, accept nothing and stay stuck in the lobby of recovery, after all, i am clean today and not gonna use no matter what, but the question is why would i want to do that, when i see my peers and friends getting so much more? nothing will be denied to me, except what i deny myself, of that i am sure today, with that in mind i will walk in the FAITH, that yes i will no use, no matter what, BUT, i will also grow more into the person i have always dreamed of being, just for today.
okay, i certainly could have chosen a better seed for starting off this exercise, after all, i have been clean for a minute and certainly have reaped the benefits of practicing these principles in all of my affairs. well a lot of my affairs anyhow. so this seed would lead me down the path of unicorns and rainbows and the whole “me too,” meme that i often hear in recovery. and from the opposite end of the same room, that there is never anything that can be taken at face value, especially when it comes to the daily reading. i certainly fall into the comfortable middle on this, but swing back and forth from me too, to that is so full of sh!t, i need to throw the whole stinking pile out. today, i am well ensconced in the middle, at least on this issue and i can certainly understand both ends of the spectrum. in fact the whole notion of opening my mind to the idea of spiritual principles, is in fact a spiritual principle onto itself.
so what is on my mind this morning? the very notion of how retarded i was in my early recovery, you know those eighteen months of going through the motions and expecting these magnificent results, with the bare minimum of work. ironically, most of what i did, back in those days to stay clean, i still do today, the difference is that i practice those principles because i want to get better to despite the fact that i have no desire to stay clean. maybe that is why, i have gotten to get more than just another day clean, in my life. doing those simple, daily tasks, every single day, allows me the freedom to be more than just another addict, in recovery. each and every day, i GET to find a path, that brings me more, but that path is not only littered with spiritual principles, it is also paved with them. in fact, spiritual principles are so pervasive in recovery, i often wonder how it is that some of my peers stay clean. i see them resisting the simple ideas put forward,m looking for the loopholes and doing everything they can, to justify and rationalize the behaviors they could have left on the side of that road, a long time ago. i grow weary of trying to be a rebel, and prove how fVcking different i am, even though i am like all of my peers, in the most fundamental ways. for me, life on two legs, is certainly a challenge enough. pile on addiction and boom, there is no reason for me to stay clean today. the only foil for that, is of course those very same spiritual principles, such as open-mindedness, that have opened the door for a new way of living. sure i can act as if i was some rebellious teenager and question everything, accept nothing and stay stuck in the lobby of recovery, after all, i am clean today and not gonna use no matter what, but the question is why would i want to do that, when i see my peers and friends getting so much more? nothing will be denied to me, except what i deny myself, of that i am sure today, with that in mind i will walk in the FAITH, that yes i will no use, no matter what, BUT, i will also grow more into the person i have always dreamed of being, just for today.
∞ DT ∞