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well for a person who did not know what a spiritual principle was when i came to recovery, it is quite a change for me to be commenting on one or three of them. the meditation spoke about the open-mindedness to think that maybe they would work for me.
opening my mind and becoming willing to practice a spiritual principles are birds of quite a different feather. this morning i find myself contemplating two in particular self-acceptance versus honesty. our literature tells me point blank that true spiritual principles are never at odds with each other, so the conflict must be in my head. i have had to make amends or clean up behind myself even though i was doing the right thing. my problem is that in a truly spiritual manner the ends never justify the means. what good does it do me to right when i cause damage to myself, others or a group i happen to represent. i often find myself walking away from these kind of situations shaking my head and wondering what went so terribly wrong, after all i was expressing the truth as honestly as i could in that moment but things still went badly.
in my recent experience (well at least in the last six months) i issued an ultimatum to a sponsee and told him in no uncertain terms that he was participating in predatory behavior and if he wished to persist he would have to find a new sponsor (drop her or drop me), i left him no place to compromise and he chose her. things went badly for him from there and i trashed a relationship that i had building since i got clean. was i right? YES without a doubt and the results of his actions proved that. did i do it the right way? NO, i had to go back and make direct amends for my behavior. so what exactly did i accomplish -- not a lot, he still followed a path that was destructive, i lost any sort of leverage i had to get him to desist and i had to humbly go back and clean up the mess i made. today, he is asking to once again become part of my life, to rebuild our relationship as friends and i am hesitant because i still harbor an ill feeling or two, nothing as simple as a resentment just lingering doubts about how i did things and a new resolve to look at the ends as well as the means.
for me, i am more concerned about how i can live more spiritually today and cannot afford to delude myself that i can say or do anything i want to, even if i have the most spiritual ends in sight.
∞ DT ∞