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control my addiction has never worked well for me. when i tell my peers or the men who call me their sponsor, some of them understand that without question. those who do not? well most of the time i get a call from them, after they use and have to face unpleasant consequences. the odd part is when i ask what they are willing to do to get the results they desire from their program of recovery, they hem and haw. the sad truth is that i am powerless over my addiction, why would anyone think i might have power over their addiction?
what started me down this track, is one of those men who call me their sponsor, but have been unwilling to do what it takes to live a program of recovery, called me after he decided to use and got caught doing so. my first inclination was to say “so long, and thanks for all the fish!” instead, i listened and what he was asking for from me, was the power to stay clean, by proxy. what he got was two questions to answer

1. What do you want from your recovery?
2. What are you willing to do, to get that?

what i heard was what i alluded to in the previous paragraph, tap-dancing, jazz hands and whining. i have been down this path with this man before, and we stopped when he was unwilling to go any further or take any sort of suggestions. truthfully the fact that he used is far from a surprising outcome and as cold as it may sound, i understand where he is coming from and why he may wish to shift the responsibility for his recovery, on to me. been there, done that got the T-shirt!
moving into the here and now, i am good today. i am dry and warm. i got my “day after” walk with the dawg done. i even got my shaggy lawn mowed before the rain started. i am more than willing to live my life by the spiritual principles that have come down to me, from those who walk this path in front of me. i have no doubts about how much power i have over addiction, NONE and am more than willing to get the help i need to live another day clean, in a program of active recovery. if and when my recalcitrant sponsee comes back with the answers i seek, i will decide where to go from there. i am not any sort of higher power, or a spiritual guru, but i just may have a clue or two about how to stay clean and live a program of recovery.

∞ DT ∞