๐ opening my mind ๐
Posted: Wed, May 2, 2018 07:40:10 AM
to the possibilities inherent in the spiritual principals of the recovery path i CHOOSE to follow.
as i often do, i lurked a tiny bit on FaceBook this morning, before sitting down to pound out this missive to the denizens of the interwebs. i had a friend request from a member i knew, but his page was just an advertisement for services, so i declined the invitation. someone i know personally was complaining that their family visit did not go off as planned and took umbrage at being called a “worthless junkie.” quite an interesting reaction and one i once lived in myself. i was pretty good keeping the junkie part on the down-low, but i certainly did feel worthless and would defend my right to be the ONLY person in the world to call me worthless.
my life has certainly moved on from those days of end-stage addiction and yet, i still struggle to accept everything “spiritual” about this program of recovery, as mandated. there are a few notions that i have explored and decided they were not for me, namely the humanizing definition of the POWER that fuels my recovery. i need not go down that path today, but i will say i am quite content no longer fretting and fuming about something that really does not apply to me at all. i do wholly ascribe to honesty, open-mindedness and willingness part of this program and maybe my one time friend has found a path that will allow them to have a life not ruled by how much and how soon. if i was one of those who prayed, i would be certainly sending them my “thoughts and prayers” as it is, the only prayer i do these days is by rote, to bookend my day. yet another departure from the path of recovery that sustains me.
even with what i have left behind and what i take exception to, on the whole i have a program of recovery that does more than sustain me through my day. what i get is the means to be a bit better than i was yesterday and increase my worth, at least to myself, if not to the world in general. with that thought in mind, i do believe i will prove my worth, by hopping into the shower and heading on down to work.
as i often do, i lurked a tiny bit on FaceBook this morning, before sitting down to pound out this missive to the denizens of the interwebs. i had a friend request from a member i knew, but his page was just an advertisement for services, so i declined the invitation. someone i know personally was complaining that their family visit did not go off as planned and took umbrage at being called a “worthless junkie.” quite an interesting reaction and one i once lived in myself. i was pretty good keeping the junkie part on the down-low, but i certainly did feel worthless and would defend my right to be the ONLY person in the world to call me worthless.
my life has certainly moved on from those days of end-stage addiction and yet, i still struggle to accept everything “spiritual” about this program of recovery, as mandated. there are a few notions that i have explored and decided they were not for me, namely the humanizing definition of the POWER that fuels my recovery. i need not go down that path today, but i will say i am quite content no longer fretting and fuming about something that really does not apply to me at all. i do wholly ascribe to honesty, open-mindedness and willingness part of this program and maybe my one time friend has found a path that will allow them to have a life not ruled by how much and how soon. if i was one of those who prayed, i would be certainly sending them my “thoughts and prayers” as it is, the only prayer i do these days is by rote, to bookend my day. yet another departure from the path of recovery that sustains me.
even with what i have left behind and what i take exception to, on the whole i have a program of recovery that does more than sustain me through my day. what i get is the means to be a bit better than i was yesterday and increase my worth, at least to myself, if not to the world in general. with that thought in mind, i do believe i will prove my worth, by hopping into the shower and heading on down to work.
∞ DT ∞